Centennial Charmed

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Demian: C | Grade It Now!
Centennial Charmed

Once Feebs and the Dolt have joined them, Pippihontas describes what just happened. Raige is dumbfounded, but the Dolt thinks he knows what's going on. "I think you should tell them," he chides Raige. Raige reluctantly cops to the abortive solo vanquish the previous evening. Now, hold up a second -- did Raige receive her itchy schnozz from the water, or from Cole? If she caught it from something in the harbor, I don't see what the attempted vanquish has to do with anything. Dolt. And since I'm asking irritating questions, why didn't she orb out when she sneezed in the bay? Ours is not to know, it seems. Pippihontas and the Feebs glare as Raige sputters some mildly indignant explanations for her behavior. She simply wanted to provide Phoebe with a resolution to The Cole Issue. Phoebe's all, "Thanks, but no thanks," and Pippihontas snippily reminds Raige that they decided "to take a vanquishing hiatus during [her] third trimester." Yeah, try snippily reminding her of that the next time a beastie barges through your unlocked front door during dinner and tries to impale you on his horns, hon. Since when did dark demonic forces sent from the flaming maw of Hell attack on your schedule? Huh? And take those freaking braids out of your hair! Auuugh! Raige, fed up with the recriminations and abuse, rolls her eyes and stomps upstairs to her boudoir. Piper growls.

Casa Del Cole. The demon of the Casa flatly states, "I'm willing to become one of your kind," as the Avatar who is not Tony Todd glowers over by the couch. Nice try, dude, but you're no Candyman, and the producers have blown yet another shot at casting continuity for their much-vaunted hundredth episode. I must admit, though, that Julian McMahon is beautifully lit throughout this scene in a bright, white, coming-from-all-angles glow that only serves to heighten his many physical charms. Of course, this sort of light hits San Francisco only on the sunniest of summer days, so it should count as an anachronous fuck-up in an episode airing in the middle of winter, but I don't care. Cole looks gorgeous. Anyway, where was I before I drifted off into filthy daydreams involving a (spoiler!) soon-to-be out-of-work actor I'll never meet, even if I live long enough to comprehend Warner's decision to waste thousands of dollars on "For Your Consideration" Oscar-bait trade ads featuring Matthew Lillard in Scooby-Doo? Oh, that's right -- smack in the middle of a morass of viscous exposition. Unfortunately, this exposition might be vital later in the season if the Avatars assume roles of grander importance in the general scheme of things, so here goes: The Avatars possess the "power to elevate powers such as [Cole's], to raise them above the restraints of good and evil." The "unlimited," unrestrained powers Cole will assume "are not meant to be used for personal vendettas," but rather in conjunction with other Avatars' to shape a future the Avatars themselves control. Hmmm. Would it follow that concepts such as free will and self-determination have no place in the Avatars' ideal future? Perhaps they're not so benign after all. They sound like Republicans, actually. Cole seeks assurance that should he accept Not Candyman's offer, he'll be able to manipulate time and reality. Not Candy eyes him skeptically, then insists that if Cole intends to misuse the elevated, unlimited powers, he won't receive them. Cole calls him on this, correctly noting that he wouldn't have been extended an invitation to join if they didn't need him so badly. The scene ends in an apparent stalemate, but we all know Cole's going to get what he wants.

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