Charmed
Centennial Charmed

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Centennial Charmed

Meanwhile, Raige still hasn't stepped onto the clue bus, and has an urgently whispered conversation with Maximum Security Dolt about the whole Shax-is-still-alive thing before leaping up from behind the trash to confront Cell Block Piper. There's a tiresome bit of dialogue during which we learn that Cell Block Piper divorced Maximum Security Dolt at some point in their altered past, after which Raige attempts to prove her identity by pointing out that Not Coolio's not really dead yet. "As a breed, [Coolios] resurrect," she informs the others. "You have to bury their remains in a cemetery." Cell Block Piper pffts and turns to lope away. Not Coolio promptly rematerializes and hurls a crowbar at Piper's head. She spins and ducks just in time, then shows him the Hands Of Discontent once more. After the dust resettles, there's some more back-and-forth about the difference between Raige's reality and this brave new world and blah before Raige throws a fit and stomps off to the Manor in search of Phoebe alone. Cell Block Piper still believes that Raige is some sort of Elder-sent fraud, you see, and Maximum Security Dolt can no longer orb to the Manor, as the place is now "off-limits" to the forces of good. Cell Block Piper eyes Not Coolio's remains, then raises a questioning brow in Maximum Security Dolt's direction. Appropriately enough, it's the brow with the scar.

After a time-lapse shot of the sun rising behind the Golden Gate Bridge, we head over to Prescott Street, which is clogged with expensive, non-P vehicles. Around the Manor, a spiky "wrought-iron" security fence has been embedded in some painfully fake stone walls. I mean, you can see the seams where the cheaply-stuccoed flats have been nailed together. And still no one's painted that goddamned Victorian next door. You'd think they would have taken the money they so obviously neglected to spend on sets and effects and used it to hire a couple of relevant guest stars, but no. They couldn't even buy Mrs. Darryl a name. Idiots. Anyway, Cole leans against a car on the street, silently gazing at the various alterations to the house above. He's clad in his classic black-on-black-over-black ensemble, and once again I must note how tasty he looks. When news of Julian McMahon's decision to leave the show first leaked, a poster whose handle escapes me at the moment stated that if McMahon added nothing more than his gorgeous presence to the show, that was more than enough, and that if we're meant to start lusting after Brian Krause once McMahon's gone, we should all just shoot ourselves in the head. Word, Temporarily Anonymous Poster. Word. And since I'm off on a tangent, I'll wonder why Cole has yet to enter the Manor. We're to assume hours have passed since he altered reality, right? So where the hell has he been all this time? Whatever. A truckload of Latin American gardeners trundles past just as Not Candy smears down behind Cole. Cole's mildly surprised to see him, as he thought he alone "crossed over" after the spell. This, Not Candy darkly notes, is merely the first of Cole's many miscalculations. Not Candy explains that, in addition to the alternately superficial and supernatural changes to the Manor, Cole himself has been changed. He's no longer invincible, for one thing, and has in fact reverted to the Colethazor existence he led at the beginning of the fourth season. He's therefore both vulnerable and vanquishable. Not Candy begs Cole to reverse the spell and return with him to that place where the Avatars dance and sing and paint pretty rainbows on each other's faces, but Cole refuses. "I have to play this out first," Cole states, leveling his gaze on Not Candy as The Mournful Flute Of Cole Fucking Everything Up tootles in the background. Not Candy's all, "Whatever, jackass," and smears out.

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Charmed

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