Charmed
Charmageddon

Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 5 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Is That All There Is To Utopia? Is That All There Is?

Sorry! Sorry, I have to take a moment. That "local nightclub impresario" bullshit still cracks me up. Hee.

Ahem. "You'll be fine," Phoebe assures her sister before anviliciously adding, "especially since there won't be any demons attacking." "They're still out there," Dolta warns. "Yeah, but they won't be attacking!" Phoebe grins. "They're all on the run," she elaborates, before exhorting Dolta to relax already and simply enjoy everything. Dolta smiles a bit a this before switching the topic over to Raige and her reaction to Brody's sporking. Just how is the lippy little bastard feeling? "Better," Piper notes, but adds that Raige will likely need a little more time to process through it all. "Kyle meant a lot to her," Phoebe agrees. "But," Piper observes in a refrain that will become terribly, gratingly, aggravatingly familiar this evening, "it does help her to know that he's gone on to a better place." Phoebe eventually spills that Raige is over at Straight Estates, picking up the last of her things. A bit breathlessly, she adds that she herself intends to head over to All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me to see how the mortal types have adapted to The Change. With that, she whips off her apron and whisks out of the room as Dolta announces he intends to check on Raige. And out he goes on his cloud of orbs. "Don't be late!" Piper cries as Dolta vanishes upwards. She then rather placidly draws a pinch of sugar from a bowl on the counter and sprinkles it into the batter. The camera zooms in for an extreme close up on the crystals as they cascade through the frame before cross-fading over to...

...an equally extreme close up of the flecks of white dancing around in Dead Bulging Brody's unusually evocative snow globe. The camera pulls back to reveal that a somewhat misty-eyed Raige is holding the thing in the apartment's living room, lost in thought as Dolta orbs in behind her. She's got her hair pulled up into an asinine top-knot, by the way, which I HATE. Conflict! Dust her ass, Dolta. Please dust her tasteless, talent-free ass now! Prick ignores me again. "How you holding up?" he inquires. "Good, considering!" she bubbles with a luminescent smile on her face. "Though I'm not really sure what to do with all of his stuff," she adds as she sets the unusually evocative snow globe on the table. Dolta reminds her that "it's not really [her] responsibility." Raige brightly counters that, as Brody was an orphan and everything, it actually sort of is. "It's just so...odd that he's gone," she adds. "I really miss him." "Good!" Dolta pipes, a little too eagerly. "I mean, that's normal," he hastily elaborates. "You don't want to go around just having it all glossed over, you know?" "No," Raige agrees, "but still, I am happy for him. I mean, he is in a better place." And that's it: I'm reviving the Pee-wee's Playhouse Secret Phrase Screamfest for this recap. Every time somebody mentions "a better place" during this episode, you are to shriek at your computer screen. Yes, you are guaranteed to be hoarse by the end of the evening, but remember -- this is the best of all possible worlds, so you'd better suck up and deal with it, bitches. In any event, Dolta wrinkles his mighty brow in dismay at Raige's empty platitude and drops his eyes to the floor as she natters something about Brody wanting her "to enjoy this new world." "He died trying to stop it," Dolta reminds her, puzzled. Rose McGowan completely gargles her next line, but it's more nonsense about being happy anyway, or some such bullshit. Raige then halts the conversation by cheerily announcing that she's returning to the Manor to prepare for the party and, latching onto the box she'd been packing, she orbs up through the ceiling.

Once she's gone, Dolta, clearly disturbed by her attitude, picks his way across the floor to retrieve Dead Bulging Brody's unusually evocative snow globe from the table, and he hoists it into the air to stare at the World Trade Center towers. And no, I'm not endowing them with a significance that this show hasn't already and won't for the rest of the evening. Example? Right now. As the shot remains tightly focused on the snow globe in Dolta's hand, the sound of Zankou blazing into the apartment hits the soundtrack, and the World Trade Center towers glow orange in the flaming light accompanying his off-screen entrance. The effect is certainly subtle -- especially considering the way this show normally beats its audience over the head with such things -- and if you're going to devote an entire story arc to the fact that evil is necessary for good to exist in the world, evoking September 11th seems virtually mandatory at this point, but still. It makes me tense. They're overreaching just a wee bit, don't you think? And I can just imagine all of this ending up in some future documentary on the influence of September 11th in American popular culture, and that makes me very sad, indeed. Because this show should be forgotten the instant the WB finally cancels its wretched ass.

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Charmed

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