Charmed
Charmageddon

Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | 5 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Is That All There Is To Utopia? Is That All There Is?

...back in the Egyptian tomb, where Zankou paces his hot self back and forth on the cracked floor in the glow of the torchlight. Irritating Max Perlich squiggles into the chamber, despite the fact that he previously exploded from place to place like the Celerity Demons, and that's just another reason to hate and ignore him. He's also dropped his New York accent in favor of something more Central European, and that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and why won't somebody off this stupid fucker already? GOD! And look at that. While I was so busily ranting, Irritating Max has squiggled out just as the shrieking racket of the Dolt's orb cloud reaches our ears. I sure as hell hope Irritating Max Perlich didn't have anything important to say. "Welcome back, partner!" Zankou grins, turning to greet the new arrival. Hee. "We're not partners," Dolta ices. "Then what are you doing here?" Zankou shrugs affably. He's got a major jones for you, Zankou. Everybody does. You little devil. Okay, so I'm kidding with that. Sort of. Dolta actually admits that he's not terribly certain of the answer to Zankou's question, allowing the demon to argue once more against the Avatars' brave new world in a manner so twinkly and seductive that it's far more entertaining than it has any right to be, given that it's basically a rehash of everything he's said before. "Ah, but there's the rub," he finally smirks when Dolta insists that he's none too fond of the idea assisting the forces of Hell. "Which world is worse -- which is the greater evil? Mine, or theirs?" "Well, I know taking Destiny out of people's hands is not right no matter what," Dolta concedes. However, he takes pains to stress, "If we succeed, we'll still be enemies, and I can make you a promise it will only be a matter of time before good defeats evil." Aw. The wimpy little pantywaist is getting all up in Zankou's face! Isn't he precious? "We'll have to see about that, won't we?" Zankou grins slyly. "Now," he continues with his voice filled with bemused condescension, "if we're finished with the macho posturing, let's get to work." With that, he brushes dismissively past Dolta to approach the hieroglyph wall. Hee. Zankou fucking rules. Zankou cautions Dolta that even if he deciphers the ancient text, they'll still need the Glamorous Ladies help to recreate the Egyptians' deadly vials of tendrilly Avatar doom. Dolta claims the Ps will never act against the Avatars. "Not if they discover the catch," Zankou retorts. "Not if they learn the Avatars alone decide who lives and who dies." To that end, Dolta must "get them to see what the Avatars don't want them to see." "Even," Zankou emphasizes, "if it takes you shocking them with another terrible loss." The boys squint at each other for a long moment before the screen flares white again and we head...

...back to the Manor, where Phoebe's babytalking something inane at the dead-eyed, mulleted Psycho and his hideously disfigured tiny gay brother. Seriously. It's like the show's casting agent scoured all of Southern California for the absolute ugliest infant she could find to play Tiny Gay Chris, just to piss me off. Anyway, Dolta orbs in on the middle of all of this, and we know he's made something of a break from his new bestest friends because he's unbuttoned his coat and turned down the collar. I guess that means he can go back to being the Dolt. Hooray! I kept typing "the Dolt" anyway, and it was beginning to annoy. Anyway, the Dolt speed-talks his way through some dire warnings about what the Avatars are really up to, in the process so thoroughly unnerving to the Feebs that the latter finds herself in something of a frantic panic. The Dolt eventually flips on the baby monitor and, in a nicely done effects shot, drags her over her protests into an orb cloud that vanishes through the ceiling.

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Charmed

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