All of this non-touching blather is cut short by the appearance of Detective Darryl Morris at the manor door. Phoebe thanks him for coming. Darryl tells her that the department has assigned a different inspector to investigate Prue's "case." The Dolt wonders why an investigation is necessary. Darryl duhs that "Prue and a prominent doctor were murdered. People want answers." Oh, yeah. The "prominent doctor." If I cared about him, I'd look up his name. Anyway, moving on: The new inspector is some kind of Energizer Bunny of the department, and Darryl's worried that he might end up exposing the remaining Ps as witches. Cole's not terribly concerned, but the Dolt is, as this plot point was beaten to death last season. Along with Prue. Heh. Big Daddy, meanwhile, has emerged from the parlor to take offense at the tone of the conversation. "Do you people mind?" he demands. "We're burying my daughter today. Can't this wait?" Um, Big Daddy? Now, I realize I just started watching this show last season, but didn't you desert your wife and kids and disappear for twenty years? And when you initially returned, wasn't it to profit in some way from your daughters' inheritance? And despite the hint of a reconciliation last season, didn't you still have, at best, a strained relationship with the deceased? Yeah, thought so. Shut it. Anyway, Phoebe tosses a little glare of guilt at Cole. If you pause the tape in the right spot, her irises disappear, making Alyssa look like Satan. Phoebe crosses to Big Daddy for a hug.
Upstairs in the Bridal Boudoir, Piper sits at her dressing table, intently brushing the same bit of her hair over and over and over again. Enter the Dolt, who tells her it's time for them to head to the service. Piper, still brushing, refuses to rise from her chair. Why? Choosing her words with deliberate care, she states, "If I go, it means Prue's really not coming back. And I don't think I can handle that." The Dolt, kneeling at her side, tells her they "can handle it together." Piper tries to maintain control of her shaky voice as she lays it all out for him: "She's been there my whole life. I've always had a big sister, and don't know how to live without one." The Dolt gently strokes her shoulder, but she flinches away from his touch. Atta girl. "Why didn't you save her?" she demands. The Dolt reminds her that he tried. "Then why didn't They let you save her?" "The Elders?" he asks. "They don't have that kind of power." No, Dolt. Repeat after me: "Alyssa had Shannen fired, so Prue had to die." See how easy that is? And how this scene has no purpose other than to remind us -- as if we needed reminding -- that Holly Marie Combs, in the words of Owen, "act[s] crop circles around everyone else on this show"? The Dolt doesn't listen to me, instead telling Piper, "It's okay to be angry." "I'm not angry," she growls, rising and storming to the bedside table to grab a tissue. "I. Am. Pissed. Off. Don't you understand?" she continues. "You healed the wrong sister. You saved me because I am your wife and you should have saved her because she was the best. Because she was...because you should..." And here she breaks down. Poor Piper. Still with the self-esteem issues. Can we all see what her character arc is going to be for the rest of the season? Good. The Dolt moves to her side and draws her into a hug, and call me a bastard, but all this hugging is starting to annoy. "Why did They put us through so much for it to end this way?" she sobs. The Dolt, for once, wisely keeps his mouth shut.