Piper shoots disrespectful daggers in the general direction of her elders with her eyes as Cole mutters, "And I thought my family was screwed up." Snorf. Before Piper can smack him for that crack, Darryl and the Mummy burst through the attic door. Once again I ask, do these halfwits not have a way to prevent intruders from entering the attic? Christ on a stick. The Mummy, settling his gaze on the tableau of dead and live witches and angelic and demonic boy toys, merely states, "Well, I'll be damned." Well, yes, you will, but we'll have to wait until the next half of the premiere for that, pallie.
Back from the break, Piper tells Darryl to "do something" about the Mummy. "He's a cop, Piper," Darryl replies. "And he's got a search warrant." Again with the preventing intruders from the goddamn attic solution not in evidence here at all. Cole approaches the Mummy, but the Mummy responds by pulling a gun and threatening to shoot. Cole notes he'll shoot as well before the Dolt tells him to back down. There's some caterwauling from Phoebe about "logical explanation[s] for all of this," but no one has her back. The Mummy dispenses an irritating and strident soliloquy about always having believed in magic and wee and dark forces and wah and death and destruction and woo and shut the hell up already. Grams, thankfully, cuts this short with a disdainful, blue-blooded, "All right. You caught us. Con-grat-u-lations. What are you going to do about it -- shoot us?" I embroider a little "Go Grams!" pennant to hang above my television as Phoebe tells her to pipe down, as not everyone present is dead at the moment. The Dolt chimes in to point out the absurdity of arresting ghosts, noting that no one will ever believe the Mummy's version of events. The Mummy continues to threaten tediously with "constant surveillance" this and "taping your every move" that until Darryl whaps the Mummy on the head with his revolver. Yes!
Phoebe hustles to Darryl's side, thanking him and telling him to scram before he's implicated in the evening's events. Cole astutely notes that Darryl's action has merely delayed the Mummy's response. Grams pleases me to no end by suggesting the Ps "get rid of him." At Piper's indignant shout in response to the very idea, Grams continues, "Well, you know what I mean. Dump him somewhere." I hope she's a regular this season. "With all the witches in this room," she adds, "we've got to be able to come up with something. I mean, just start rhyming." She takes the lead, emphasizing the end of each line with a dismissive gesture of her hands: