Charmed Again, Part I

Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | 3 USERS: A+
Charmed Again, Part The First

Phoebe approaches her father in the dining room and interrupts the conversation he's been having with an elderly gent named Aaron. And no, the elderly gent is not Aaron Spelling. Phoebe tells Big Daddy that she and the Colethazor have some demon hunting they must attend to, and asks if he'll be all right on his own. Before Big Daddy can get indignant at the notion of his daughter bailing on her sister's wake, Darryl enters with the Mummy. I mean, "Inspector Cortez," the fellow Darryl warned them about before the service. And when I call Cortez "the Mummy," I mean to say that it looks like someone removed this guy's brain using a hook that was rammed repeatedly up his nose, then let the salt-and-sand-covered corpse dry out for a couple of months in a Cairo back room so that the guy's eyes would bulge from the receding flesh of their desiccated lids and his lips would draw back from his yellowing teeth in a permanent sneer. Maybe it's the hair. Anyway, the Mummy -- in a tasteless display of tact-free living -- has chosen this moment to begin the investigation into Prue's murder. At her wake, people. Cole bolts to "get the car" as the Mummy insists in sibilant, outer-borough tones he "will find the monster that did this to [Prue]." Phoebe wigs a bit at the term "monster." The Mummy asks if she can think of a better term for the alleged perp. Phoebe demurs and attempts to take her leave. The Mummy grabs her arm and insists they speak at that moment. Big Daddy intervenes, the Mummy relents, and Phoebe jams.

Up in the attic, Piper's busily arranging large blue candles in a circle on the floor. "I am a witch, dammit," she mutters to no one in particular. "I have summoned people before, and I will summon Prue whether Alyssa and Aaron like it or not!" I should note that Piper is getting her bitch back during the course of this scene. Joy. Once the candles are in place, she steps up to the BoS to recite the following:

Hear these words -- hear my cry,
Spirit from the Other Side.
Come to me. I summon thee.
Cross beyond the Great Divide.

Swirling Cloud Of Glowing Golf Balls, from which emerges -- Grams! Hi, Grams! Piper groans a bit in frustration, like, shut up, Piper. Grams came a long way to see if you're okay, so can it with the attitude. Piper admits to feeling "a little lost" without Prue, and wonders aloud why Grams ignored her earlier calls. Grams evasively tells Piper she was "busy" and couldn't come. Piper calls her on that, so Grams elaborates. Grams and Finola Hughes have been assisting Prue with her transition to life as a corpse. Piper inquires after Prue's mental state. Grams reluctantly admits that TPTB have forbidden her to tell Piper anything. "Just like you're not allowed to see her," Grams adds. "At least, not for a while, anyway." When Piper wonders why, Grams gives her the official explanation: "Because seeing Prue right now -- speaking to her -- keeps her alive for you, which keeps you from being able to move on with your life. To continue your destiny." The official official reason? Alyssa had Shannen fired, so no one's going to see Prue. Ever. AGAIN. GOD. Once again, Piper snippily rejects the whole destiny thing. Grams gently yet firmly reminds Piper that the most important lesson to be taken from the sisters' last three years together is that everything has a purpose, and that therefore Prue was taken from them for a reason. Yeah, tell that to Dan Savage. He'd probably tear you a new hole by way of thanks. "Your destiny still awaits," Grams insists, then vanishes in a SCOGGB with "Blessed be." Piper pouts. Cow.

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