Charmed And Dangerous

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 1 USERS: A+
There's A New Source In Town

Manor attic. Phoebe and Raige lug a half-dead Piper through the door and tote her over to the center of the room. Piper's face is crisscrossed with crimson welts and gashes. As Phoebe and Raige set Piper down on the carpet, Phoebe begs her to gather her strength just long enough for the apparently urgent task at hand. Raige asks if they should summon the Dolt. Phoebe answers in the negative, determined to "make this plan work" without the Dolt's help. The reason for all this fuss presently blazes into the center of the room. "Seems almost anti-climactic after all this time," begins The Source, a bit more mildly than one would expect from the master of Hell. From the sound of his voice, it seems they've switched actors for this role again. The new guy's aiming for a mellower take on Eeevil than the steroid- (and scenery-) chomping Sources of episodes past, and sounds a bit like Riff-Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show as a result. "Say hello to Prue for me," he continues, wiggling the fingers on his right hand by way of goodbye. The Source then conjures his version of a Flaming Ball Of Death -- a fiery set of four or five rings that flip and spin around a central axis. He tosses it at Raige, who promptly orbs out before it can hit her. The FBOD smashes harmlessly into a pile of attic junk. Phoebe calls, "Piper! Now!" Piper flings out her hands, and The Source explodes outwards into a mist of Source shrapnel that just as quickly merges back together in Source form. Raige shouts, "Crystals! Circle!" while waving her hands about. A set of crystals orbs from a nearby table to arrange itself at The Source's feet. The crystals shoot yellow bolts of flaring electricity into the air, trapping The Source within some sort of force field. The Source attempts to hurl another of his FBODs at the gals, but it ricochets against the crystals' force field and back into his own body. The Ps gaze on from their huddle on the floor as The Source ignites in flame to explode once more -- this time for good.

Or not. The fireball consuming The Source expands outwards to fill the screen. As it does so, it cross-fades into an extreme close-up of a cataract-occluded eyeball. The shot slowly pulls back to reveal that the milky eye belongs to Debbi Morgan from All My Children, looking ten kinds of Creole witchy with mini-dreads and bangly gold earrings. Speaking of Creole witches, I thought her career was moving forward after that critically-acclaimed role she had in Eve's Bayou, so what the hell is she doing on this show? It seems Holly Marie Combs isn't the only person worrying about her mortgage payments. Anyway, Debbi's eyes clear as the shot continues to pull back. She's standing in a candle-lit chamber somewhere in Hell. The Source enters the frame behind her to ask, "Well? What did you see?" "I saw your demise," she replies. The Source insists that her premonition must have been incorrect. "You know how powerful my visions are," she notes with preternatural calm. "More so than The Oracle's were, and more accurate." The Oracle? Who? Yeah. The Smoked Bint. By the way, Debbi's doing this Eartha Kitt thing with her delivery of the lines. I really have no problem with this at all, but I do keep expecting her to say, "Purrrrr-fect." So, The Source is pissed. Despite all his powers and all he knows about the Glamorous Ladies, he still can't beat them? D'Eartha respectfully supposes that the Power of Three trumps whatever The Source can bring into battle. The Source decides that if that's the case, he'll harness "the ultimate power" and use that to kill the Halliwells. D'Eartha's aghast. "But that's forbidden!" she gasps. "The Hollow has been banished for all eternity. If you unleash it, we all could die." She pleads with him to reconsider. The Source pretty much tells her to cram it. "With The Hollow, I will render the witches powerless," he promises, "then I will destroy them -- even if it means destroying us all." Pardon me for butting in here, but that's really no way to run an Eeevil empire. It's just so -- I don't know -- idiotic of him to believe that nuking the Ladies with a force that will turn right around and nuke him back is somehow a Good Idea. It's like unleashing smallpox as a biological weapon. Yeah, you'll kill off a good number of people on the other side, but chances are pretty good you'll decimate your own population. Whatever. I'm reading far too much into this, and roaming pretty far afield to boot, so we'll just veer right back into the episode, shall we? D'Eartha appears to be as confused as I am with The Source's plan of attack; she silently contemplates the implications as we shoot into the credits.

Manor dining room. Piper slides a manila folder Doltwards at the table. The folder contains what apparently is Piper's will, which leaves everything to the Dolt should The Source attack again and manage to off all of the Charmed Ones. For some reason, Piper wants the Dolt to sign it. I realize wills must be witnessed, but is it really such a good idea to have the primary beneficiary be that witness? ["Individuals named in a will can't serve as witnesses to it. I know this isn't a Court TV program, but that's pretty basic, Mr. Spelling." -- Sars] Shouldn't she have had her lawyer sign in place of the Dolt as soon as the will was finalized? It doesn't matter. The whole conversation is simply an excuse to bring up the fact that, barring the appearance of a Darklighter in the next fifty years or so, the Dolt is certain to outlive all of the current Ps. So, you know, don't be surprised when tonight's guest Darklighter shows up within the next fifty minutes to rip the Dolt a new one. Phoebe and Cole have entered during this discussion, and finally get Piper's attention when Cole whistles shrilly. Phoebe's managed to work out a vanquishing spell to rid them of The Source once and for all. "Our ancestors," Phoebe explains, handing a slip of paper to Piper. "That's what we were missing. If we draw upon the magic of the entire Halliwell line..." "We might have enough power to vanquish The Source," Piper concludes for her. No, I don't know how they're going to call upon the magic of three hundred years' worth of dead witches and focus it on an enemy, so don't ask me. The Dolt orbs out immediately to inform The Powers That Be, to Piper's considerable dismay. He left without signing the will, you see.

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