...back in Not!warts, where they clatter into the Not-So-Great Hall, screaming Raige's name. They stop short in shock as the camera cuts to reveal another octogenarian on the sofa, this actress clad in Raige's too-tight pink top and too-low lime-green pants. "Well," Rilly Rilly Old Raige dodders, "now I'm a ma'am." See? Did I not warn you of that one-liner's wretchedness at the top of the hour? And was I not right? I must admit, though, that the sight of these little old ladies in screeching slutwear is making me giggle. I'm convinced, you see, that someone, somewhere is using them to send a not-so-subtle suggestion in Alyssa Milano's direction. If you know what I mean. In any event, Piper and Phoebe, as we've come to expect in situations such as this, gawp their collective way into the next commercial break.
What's with the "hot" girl-on-girl action in the Smallville promo? Is it Barely Legal Lesbian Week at the WB? Scumbags.
Nonexistent Attic. Rilly Rilly Old Raige orbs into the room with Piper and Phoebe and nearly drops dead herself from the effort. By the way, they chose not to squeeze this poor actress's feet into the same pointy, high-heeled pink pumps Rose McGowan had been wearing, evidently believing that the pink halter top and lime-green hip-huggers' assault on her dignity was more than enough abuse for one paycheck. Piper bellows for the Dolt, and the rapid dialogue that follows is so convoluted, I'll just fire off the two main points: The Dolt can't heal Raige because she's suffering from a curse, and there's no reversal for that curse in the Book of Shadows. Just then, Harrr!ve's parrot arrives on the windowsill to croak, "Shiver me bitches!" No, seriously. The bird just called them all bitches. Including the Dolt. Hee. Piper prepares to unleash a Hand Of Discontent, but Phoebe, noticing the slip of parchment in the bird's beak, calls a halt to Piper's wrath in favor of retrieving the note. The Dolt lopes over to pluck the paper from the bird's claw, and reads the following: "Captain Black Jack Cutting cordially invites you to Treasure Island."