Nonexistent Attic. Piper stands at the Book, scribbling a spell on a piece of notepaper as the Dolt howls, "He wants you to do what?" "Break into a museum," Piper calmly replies. "To find The Fountain Of Youth?" the Dolt splutters. "No," Piper tartly replies, "to steal a golden chalice that turns on The Fountain Of Youth." "Piper, you can't do this," the Dolt insists, and you know what? He's totally right, because it's totally, massively stupid. Piper's already got the spell. All they need do now is have the Dolt orb his tired ass over to the museum and orb right back out with the artifact in question. No need for any of the bullshit that follows. At. All. Of course, they don't listen to me, choosing instead to bicker and harp at each other for seven hundred years until Piper storms out of the nonexistent room in A Mood.
"San Francisco Museum Hall Of The 18th Century." Piper and Phoebe, dressed up like Dieter on Sprockets -- and no, they may not touch my monkey -- stride past the security guard Piper's just frozen, and this is all so pointless because they could have just had the Dolt orb in and swipe the fucking chalice, so you know what? We'll be skipping through this sequence, in all its To Catch A Thief-meets-The Pink Panther-meets-The Thomas Crown Affair-meets-Mission: Impossible-meets-The Thomas Crown Affair again, some more, non-glory. Deal. Piper and Phoebe gaze upon the exhibition's main hall from the balcony above, eyeing the flickering security lasers. "If we pull this off," Phoebe breathes, "[Raige] owes me Prada." "And babysitting for a year," Piper mutters. Okay. Heh. Piper freezes the laser beams just as Sparklies rings Phoebe on her cell. She's late for their "date," you see. We get a quick cut over to Sparklies in the restaurant, where he grunts at his watch before flipping a couple of bills onto the table and stomping off in a huff. Meanwhile, back in the museum, Phoebe tumbles and dodges and weaves her way through the frozen laser beams until she reaches the glass display case containing the chalice. Piper blows the case up, then quickly freezes the shards in mid-air. Phoebe plucks the chalice from its stand, but Piper's freeze for some reason did not include the pressure sensor at the chalice's base, so of course the alarm system goes off and the freeze on everything breaks and Piper and Phoebe race through the museum hallway and STUPID! Pepper, the Doormat, and Kerr Smith (Who Is Not Gay) emerge from their hiding place in a nearby antechamber, with Pepper champing at the bit to bust the non-elderly Ps immediately. Kerr Smith, Who Is Still Not Gay, In Case You Were Wondering, snatches at her hand and notes, "I don't want to catch them stealing. I want to catch them using magic." The Doormat's all, "Oh, shit."
La Cueva Del Booty. Phoebe and Piper arrive with the chalice. As his merry band of swashbuckling sissies looks on, Harrr!ve takes the chalice from Phoebe's hand and, after depositing his parrot on a nearby stack of trunks, crosses to The Fountain Of Pock-Marked Plaster Of Paris, where he orders Piper to recite the following spell: