Meanwhile, down at the wheel of the Doormat's car, Pepper rants into her phone at the FBI lab "back east," bitching out some poor functionary regarding the blood sample she forwarded for testing "three weeks ago." Apparently, the lab's misplaced the sample. Or the results. I'm not sure which, but then again, I don't really care, for reasons soon to be explained at length and with a great many four-letter words. Pepper grumbles in frustration, snaps shut her cell phone, and peeves, "I hate the Feds!" And that's totally not a cop-show cliché at all, because Pepper Anderson is the most original and super-wonderful police character any of us has seen on television ever, and if you dare to disagree then you are clearly just jealous. "So," the Doormat wonders, by way of making conversation, "where'd you get the blood sample?" You'd think the Doormat would have asked her that question at some point in the last three weeks, but you'd be horribly, wretchedly wrong, because the Doormat is an imbecile. Just like everyone else on this godforsaken show. "From Piper's bedroom," Pepper replies, "when I was curiously knocked out." No. No, you didn't get the goddamned blood sample from Piper's fucking bedroom when you were "curiously knocked out," you stupid fucking bint, because you were curiously fucking knocked out as soon as you entered the fucking room, and you know what? WE WERE ALL REMINDED OF THAT FACT AT THE TOP OF THE HOUR. Hey, Hacks Responsible For This Mess! Come over here. I want to let you in on a little secret: Whatever the purpose of the suddenly appearing previouslies on this show may be, I can assure you it is not to set up asinine fucking continuity errors in the episode present, you fucking morons. Jesus. Christ!
This show is going to kill me.
The Doormat blithers something unhelpful as Piper arrives at the driver's-side door, burdened with both a breakfast tray and a faux-cheerful demeanor. She banters briefly with Pepper before freezing her in favor of having a few crucial words with the Doormat. Meanwhile, Phoebe exaggeratedly tiptoes down the Manor's front steps to her car. I have to admit, because Phoebe has been such an unbelievable dipshit for such a long time, I initially failed to realize that this blatant, sunlit skulking of hers was all part of Raige's cunning plan to distract the detectives, and so found myself yelling, "WHY don't you -- oh, I don't know -- tiptoe out the back door, you stupid, HATEFUL woman? Oh, I know why! Because this show is unbelievable ass, and I want to drop dead RIGHT NOW!" Regrettably, I misread Phoebe's motivation entirely, and this conspicuous march down to the sidewalk along with her subsequent slow crawl past the Doormat's sedan in her hideous Mini Cooper were both intentional. I still want to drop dead right now, though. Anyway, long story short, Piper pumps the reluctant Doormat for information regarding recent vanishings, and learns that twenty-two-year-old "Brenda Castillo" never returned to her apartment in the Heights the previous evening. Her "roommate" filed the report, but until Brenda's been gone for twenty-four hours, the cops can't do anything about it. "We'll find her in twelve," Piper vows before thanking him. "You're welcome," he steams, "now, would you unfreeze her?" Piper flicks a wrist around, and Pepper kicks back in with the sniping and such from the point at which she'd been so thankfully interrupted. Phoebe picks this moment to sweep by in her car, and Pepper peels on out of her parking spot to chase after the Feebs, in the process slinging Piper's carefully prepared breakfast tray to the street. "It's all right!" Piper shouts at the back end of the sedan. "I'll clean this up!" And then, shockingly, she totally doesn't, choosing instead to whip out her cell and bark, "Okay, [Raige], you're on. Brenda Castillo, the Heights."