As Phoebe nods off, some off-screen presence flicks off the main lights, leaving only the tiny desk lamp at Phoebe's side still burning. Phoebe starts awake at the creak of a floorboard and sleepily calls out, "Piper?" "Guess again!" Zombeese seethes from over by the doorway. "Who are you?" Phoebe gasps. "What do you want?" "What you took from me!" Zombeese bellows as he strides over to confront her. "My life!" Riiiiiight. And you'll be getting that back from Phoebe...how, exactly? And have we already forgotten about the demons who actually sucked out your brain? Oh, wait. My bad. They sucked out your brain, so of course your short-term memory isn't what it should be. Never mind. Phoebe leaps to her feet in alarm as Zombeese snarls, "What's the matter? Don't you recognize me?" Dude, not for nothing, but why the hell would she? First of all, you were an utterly forgettable presence in three episodes four years ago. Secondly, what with all the crap the makeup people glued to your face in a poorly executed imitation of postmortem decay, your own goddamned mother wouldn't recognize you right now. And finally? Shut the fuck up, zombie man. He doesn't listen to me. Bastard. In fact, he grabs Phoebe's arm as she tries to escape and blathers on and on and on about his widowed bride and his fatherless children and dude, really. WE NEVER CARED THEN AND WE SURE AS HELL DO NOT CARE NOW. Cork it already! Eventually, at long, long last, Phoebe breaks free of his clutches and tumbles headlong down the stairs to the second floor, where she races through the hall screaming for her sisters; Zombeese lurches along behind her until he's suddenly yanked from the scene by Zankou in a burst of raying pink light. "Piper!" Phoebe shouts, pulling her sister from the nursery towards the back of the house. "He's right behind me! Get him!" Piper gingerly pokes her head around the corner with her mighty Hands of Discontent at the ready and, of course, finds nothing to vanquish. "There's no one there," Piper narrates for the blind in the audience. "He was there," Phoebe pants, "I swear it." "Who?" Piper delicately inquires. Upon hearing the zombie's name, Piper's all, "But he was just a glorified day player, wasn't he? They relegated to the end credits, for Christ's sake! Why the hell would anyone dig him up now?" Phoebe has no answer for Piper's quite reasonable questions, and so remains stricken and mute. Shut up, Phoebe.
Episode Report CardDemian: B- | 354 USERS: C+
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