Death Becomes Them

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
Tim Whoooooo? Inspector Whaaaaaa?

All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me, and oh, sweet Jesus. The scene begins with Phoebe shoving a stack outgoing mail into the face of some reject from The Starlet, and everything goes downhill from there, especially when Raige orbs into Phoebe's office in front of the open blinds to listen to Phoebe babble guiltily about Pasty Tim for nine and a half hours before taking approximately three days herself to offer some tedious and unwelcome words of advice, and...scene? Oh, thank God. Scene.

Hell. Zankou's resurrecting the four-year-old corpse with his glowy pink hands, and it's Reese Davidson. You know, the guy who investigated ADA Turner's mysterious disappearance when the Colethazor had to go into hiding after he offed the Triad? The guy who got his brains sucked out by that one demon, in that one burial vault, because the Angel of Death needed to teach Prue a lesson on the inevitability of Fate, or something? Yeah. Him. A person everyone disregarded four years ago, a person no one's thought about since, and a person none of us ever needed to see on this show again. And the really asinine thing about this scene is that they insist upon keeping the guy's zombified head shrouded in shadow, like we're all supposed to gasp in shock and horror, "Oh my God! It's Reese!" when they finally roll around to the reveal, when the only possible reaction involves a sort of listless ennui. Assuming everyone wasn't already asleep by this point. Gah. In any event, Corpse Fucker flicks a little mojo at the zombie's head so we can flash back to the moment of his death with him, and seriously: If we didn't care about it then, why do the idiots responsible for this mess think we're going to give a rat's ass about it now? Can you believe they scripted, shot, and edited together this garbage when they believed there was an excellent chance this would be the second-to-last episode ever? Oh, wait a minute. The morons responsible for Enterprise scripted, shot, and edited together something far worse when they knew for a fact it was the actual last episode ever, so I guess these things happen all the time. On the Paramount lot. Assholes. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah: Another mojo-triggered flashback recounts a piece of the diner scene wherein Phoebe dumped actual bat shit into this guy's coffee, and now that I think about it, maybe he does have the right to hold a tiny bit of a grudge. In any event, Zankou sweet-talks Zombeese into guilt-tripping the Feebs, or something. And...scene.

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