Desperate Housewitches

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | Grade It Now!
Desperate Crackmonkeys

And yet, detail I must, so here are the facts: Evil Michelle Stafford pitches her Nefarious Demonic Plot For World Domination to the resurrected Source, and after a bit, he decides to go along with it. The Psycho, however, recognizes his massive Dolt of a father and orbs over to him. The Dolt attempts to explain this away by lying that he was one of Zankou's cohort when that particular demon invaded the Manor at the end of last season. Evil Michelle Stafford, for whatever reason, orders the other henchdemons to disperse, which they do just as Raige orbs into Snidely's abandoned office with Piper and Phoebe. While Evil Michelle Stafford, The Famous Almost-Original Source, and the Dolt continue to bicker and sneer at each other down the hall in the library, Piper hisses, "We gotta hurry -- [the Dolt's] in trouble." "How are we going to stop The Source when we have no potions?" Raige gripes. "It's gonna take a lot more than potions," Phoebe warns. Raige's response to this? "How'd you do it last time?" Hey, dumbass! You were there, remember? All three times, in fact. Fuckwit. Eh, chalk the forgetfulness up to massive amounts of Bouncing Uncle Bernie's California Corn Flakes and leave it at that. The shot cuts back to the library proper, where more tedious threats are bandied about before the off-screen gals evidently recite a spell that knocks Fiendish Elizabeth out of Michelle Stafford's body. Piper then unleashes her Mighty Hands Of Discontent, first to blast Fiendish Elizabeth backwards against the far wall, then to blast her straight into The Waste Land. Because the resurrected Source is somehow inextricably entwined with the demon who brought him back, her vanquish erupts to consume him as well -- "for eternity now," as Phoebe would have us believe, but whatever. This show sucks. Piper offers some bitchy commentary regarding the still-unconscious Michelle Stafford before the shot cross-fades...

...into the nighttime closing travelogue. Back at the Manor, The Lippy Spastic enters the nonexistent attic to find The Retarded Bimbo curled up on Aunt Pearl's much-abused sofa, defacing the priceless Book of Shadows with a Sharpie. The Spastic attempts to smack the Book out of The Retard's hands before The Retard can inflict any more damage upon the priceless family heirloom, but she simply manages to twitch herself into know what? Fuck this episode in general, and fuck this scene in particular. The only thing of any sort of importance at all here is Raige admitting to The Retard that the gals are mighty worried about the demonic incursion into Not!warts, like, uh, duuuuuuh. Stupid show.

Down in the foyer, Phoebe answers the doorbell to find Vex Pexter on the front porch, and flirting, and apologies, and flirting some more, AND MY GOD WOULD YOU JUST FUCK HIM ALREADY AND GET THIS WHOLE STUPID STORYLINE OVER WITH ALREADY? GOD! DAMMIT!

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