...some outdoor café, where Raige greets her coffee date, and yawn. He's a pleasant-enough-looking idiot she met through an online dating site, you see, but the idiot has absolutely nothing to do with this evening's subsequent events, so I don't know why they even bothered with any of this. The one vaguely amusing slice of the subsequent dialogue pops up when the idiot asks Raige what she does that "keeps [her] so busy." Raige lies that she tutors "special-needs" children, in particular this one girl who's "a real pain in the butt." The idiot shoots her A Look that says, "You did not just call a retard a pain in the ass, did you?" Yes she did, idiot. And she's understating things considerably. Raige apologizes for "oversharing" and asks the idiot how he manages to come up with his own rent. The idiot launches into an endless and detailed monologue regarding market research that almost instantly hurls Raige into an apathy-induced coma, and all I can say in response at this point is, try sitting through it five times in a row so you can recap it, bitch. It certainly doesn't help matters at all to realize the typewriting crackmonkeys thought it would be cute to have the monologue decay into an actual series of "blah-blah-blahs" from Raige's perspective, so we have to endure that babbling around on the soundtrack while Raige focuses instead on a passing pair of pumps. No, seriously. I have now found myself writing about Raige staring at a pair of shoes. Raige staring at a pair of shoes has, in fact, become a major plot point on this show. Gah! Glaaaaah. Anyway, a pair of shoes captures Raige's attention, and she fixates on them until the camera pans up to reveal the pumps are occupied by Alana De La Garza, an actress notorious to yours truly for being part of that godawful Oliver Hudson crapfest The Mountain. As Raige's internet idiot blah-blahs in the background -- and this poor actor's life has got to suck if this is the best his agent can do for him -- Raige follows Alana with her eyes until Alana trills, "[Vex]!" and darts over to a nearby table to greet Phoebe's purported paramour with a big sloppy wet one on the lips and a lingering embrace. Raige, shocked and appalled, cuts her dreadful coffee date short in the rudest manner imaginable -- specifically, spitting a "Blah!" of her own back in the internet idiot's face -- before clattering on out of there atop her strappy heels.
OH, MY GOD! SHUT UP, PHOEBE! She ignores me, as is her wont, to power through the main office at All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me with her long-suffering Non-Mary Cherry assistant trailing after her. Phoebe's curtly barking a series of orders involving hair appointments that the assistant must schedule for the boss and shopping trips to Crate And Barrel the assistant must make that afternoon to purchase a few dozen candles "to set the mood" for the boss's date with the boss's badly coiffed pantywaist of a boyfriend the following evening, and the long-suffering Non-Mary Cherry assistant is agreeing to it all. Moron! HATE! HATE! I HATE EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS SHOW. ["Also, wardrobe squeezed the assistant into the least flattering top in California and made her perform the entire scene with a raging case of butt-crack-chest-itis. Did someone tell wardrobe to put her in that assy blouse, to make Phoebe look prettier by comparison? ...Nah, that would be petty and mean. And obvious. Alyssa." -- Sars] Eventually, Raige arrives to confront Phoebe regarding Vex's apparent extracurricular dalliances, but Raige doesn't actually come right out and say anything about it directly because we have to endure an endless conversation about how they once agreed -- off-camera and two years ago, apparently -- to stay out of each other's love lives after Phoebe didn't get along with Slampiece Buttfuck and Raige didn't get along with Cole -- who was, mind you, THE SOURCE OF ALL EVIL AT THE TIME and so maybe Raige had a fucking excuse for that, Phoebe -- and this scene goes on and on and on and it includes Phoebe making an entirely self-serving statement about "honoring" her stupid fucking premonitions despite the fact that, as Raige correctly notes, not all of Phoebe's premonitions are meant to be taken literally and MY GOD, WE'RE FIFTEEN MINUTES INTO THE FUCKING EPISODE AND ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET and then it's over. I think. Yeah, Phoebe's leaving, so I'm pretty sure we're done here.