Charmed
Engaged And Confused

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 1 USERS: C
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Engaged And Confused

...Hell, where Zar's munching on a gigantic loaf of sourdough bread while his hench-imp sloppily spoons watery gruel into his own mouth on the opposite side of the table, which many on the boards agreed was odd, as they couldn't recall seeing demons dining in their natural habitats on this show. Unfortunately for me, I do recall demons dining in their natural habitats on this show, but that's because I'm a never-forget-anything monstrosity who will need decades of therapy to heal the damage this awful piece of garbage has inflicted upon my poor brain over the last six years. In any event, as many surmised, this bit exists, I believe, simply to reinforce Chrissssty's own horrid table manners on display in the next scene, for whatever reason. Anyway. Moving on: Turns out Zar has an axe to grind as far as The Zombie Triad is concerned, for they "excommunicated" him at some point in the past, and that would mean that The Triad wasn't exactly a Triad, now wouldn't it? This stupid, awful, evil show. Then again, whatever, because CANCELLED! Whee! Long story short, Zar orders the hench-imp to figure out a way to notify the Charmed Ones that The Zombie Triad has taken up residence in Not!warts. He believes, you see, that the Manor Morons, were they to learn of The Triad's resurrected existence, will want them dead as much as he himself does, and will do everything in their supposedly considerable power to see that it happens. The screen flares white again to escort us...

...topside, where Chrissssty's attacking a barbecued chicken leg with both hands and gaping maw at an outdoor café to the general consternation of all her fellow patrons, including Phoebe and The Retard. "All right!" the Feebs finally snaps. "Utensils!" Sheepish Chrissssty, shamefaced, apologizes before moaning, "I'm a freak! I'm never gonna get this." Phoebe urges her to relax and concentrate, so what does Chrissssty do? Why, set her plate of food ablaze with her wacky pyrokinesis, of course! Phoebe hoots and yodels and douses the fire with the contents of her water glass before deciding they need to put an end to this little experiment in fine dining. She tosses some cash at The Retard to cover the bill and, promising to meet them back at the Manor after she's run a few errands, bolts. Marnette Patterson inexplicably amuses me by pulling this massive pouty face and batting at the barbecue stains on her cheek with one perfectly manicured hand.

Phoebe, meanwhile, is so preoccupied with the contents of her purse that she rams right into Victor Webster, formerly of Days Of Our Lives, very briefly of Emily's Reasons Why Not, and currently making me giddy and light-headed because, I'm sorry, but did the temperature not just rocket up about thirty-seven degrees when he appeared on the screen? Woof. In any event, Phoebe barely acknowledges Victor's existence before continuing on her way. For some reason, this visibly outrages The Retarded Bimbo, who rises from her café seat to gasp and splutter before lumbering after the Feebs while screaming, "Hey, missy! Hel-lo!" "That guy was totally hot," she continues once she's caught Phoebe's attention, "he was checking you out -- what are you doing?" Phoebe basically tells The Retard to can it. "Let's just focus on [Chrissssty]," she rather curtly suggests with much waving of hands, "otherwise, we're gonna have to deal with The Wrath Of Piper." Wise words from one so dim. What the hell is going on tonight? Who are these occasionally entertaining people, and what are they doing on this ass show? Oh, fuck it. I can't pretend to care anymore, because CANCELLED! Woot! In any event, with that, Phoebe flees the scene. The Retard gapes. Shut up, Retard.

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Charmed

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