Charmed
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Owen: D | Grade It Now!
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Episode Sneak Preview

In retaliation for the Charmed writers' alleged break-in of my car to look at my blurb notebook last month (see the "Apocalypse Not" recap), I flew to Los Angeles while on vacation and did some digging in the Writers Department at Spelling Productions. Because I'm petty like that.

Well, I lucked out and found synopses of the first seven episodes of Season Three, which I'm providing here along with my presumptuous pre-recaplets. Because I'm industrious like that.

Episode 301: Goddess Almighty
Preview release to TV Guide:
Season Premiere. Leo the angel transports his girlfriend Piper heavenward to meet his otherworldly boss, but she becomes jealous when God greets them in the form of a beautiful young woman (guest star Tori Spelling). In their sister's absence, Prue and Phoebe must fend for themselves when they fear that the new tenant next door (Ron Eldard) is a demon.

Recaplet: The Powers That Bleat
The third season began with an ep that's sure to confirm one's faith in atheism, if not convert the masses. Yes, TORI SPELLING played God. Owen was rushed to the emergency room afterwards to have his pearls surgically removed from his hand. Anyway, the viewers followed Piper and Leo up to heaven, which looked just like the L.A. soundstage, only hazier, where Piper got her bitch on because Leo's been working for such a heavenly babe. God/Tori finally admitted she is just a wee bit fallible, and she and Piper bonded. Whatever. Meanwhile, Prue and Phoebe modeled this fall's most god-awful outfits while ripping off Rear Window in a subplot about the suspicious yuppie who'd moved into Gordon Manor. After much Nancy Drew hijinx, the callous and lazy Ps vanquished him all by their lonesomes, the implied threat of another Dan character was averted, and the sisters eventually reunited for more witchy adventures.

Episode 302: One Small Thing
Preview release to TV Guide:
On the eve of Prue's celebration for shooting her first cover for 415 magazine, she is cursed by a warlock (Jason Bateman) and shrunk to a height of five inches. Meanwhile, Piper worries about Leo possibly popping the question, and Phoebe regrets casting a spell that thwarts the advances of an overly amorous classmate (Brad Rowe). Special musical guest: Seal.

Recaplet: Prue Art Little
Well, I guess someone wrote Spelling Productions asking for another show featuring cheap, mini-ninja special effects, because here it is. Prue started the ep bigger than her britches as usual because she finally provided a cover photo for No. magazine, and the staff was going to throw a big fete to celebrate. As. If. But a Lesson-of-the-Day warlock (played by Jason Bateman, who should stop sharing agents with his sister) cursed her into becoming her own Mini-Me, and wackiness ensued. While Prue -- and by extension, Shannen -- was discovering the meaning of the word hubris, Piper started screwing up her good thing with Leo again by pulling the idea that he was preparing a marriage proposal straight out of her ass, and Phoebe cast a Nerd Stalker-B-Gone spell on Walt from Newsradio, then tried to recant it once she figured out he's a hottie in the rough. Talkin' about rough, the less said about Seal's performace at P3AD, the better.

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Charmed

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