Ex Libris

Episode Report Card
Owen: D | Grade It Now!
Ex Libris

Hey, boozers! Wait for the re-run this summer (on either Sunday or Thursday night) and empty your glass every time any character voices a variation on the phrase "move on." Then call in sick to work the next day so you can recover. Regardless of broadcast date, you'll have a three-day weekend.

Halliwell Manor. Parlor. Piper "Boring Between Two Lovers" Halliwell, in black slacks, black apron top, and sad-making crimped hair, is walking around the room, lighting a Pottery Barn's entire inventory of candles, arranging vases of freshly cut flowers, and adjusting the volume on a WB Records sham-teuse who's caterwauling on the stereo. Either it's Piper's turn to host one of Oprah's book clubs or she's setting the stage to get it on with the world's most sensitive heterosexual male. Just then Prue "Daddy's Brittle Girl" Halliwell struts into the room in jeans, a ruffled camisole top and a cowhide (ew!) hairband. She's just developed some photos and wants her sister's opinion. Prue takes in the scene, grasps the obvious, and wonders aloud if Piper's expecting company. Piper gets her bitch on and explains that she's supposed to have the house to herself because Leo's coming over. She tells Prue that Phoebe already kindly vacated the premises to study for finals at the university. Prue should have seen where Piper "put [notice] on the kitchen calendar way in advance." Prue: "The kitchen calendar? Like I'd notice that! I just go in there to eat the food you prepare for Pheebs and me." Actually, Prue says she thought the big date was the next night. Piper fumes. Prue presses her luck and asks Piper to look at the photos anyway. Piper: "Make it fast."

Prue gives extra-quick exposition about No. magazine sending her out to "capture faces" in the city (an assignment that has BUSY WORK stamped all over it, in my opinion) so Prue went to "the Haight, " i.e. the Haight-Ashbury District, I suppose, to take photos. Because Prue's a talented, innovative photographer the way that the perpetrator of this show's San Francisco establishing shots is a gifted, trend-setting videographer. Anyway, there's a middle-aged man wearing a trenchcoat in each of Prue's photographs. Piper doesn't think this is a big deal. Prue: "You don't understand. He was just hanging out!" Piper tells Prue that she shouldn't have used up all of her film snapping patrons outside of an adult movie theater. Actually, Prue explains that Trenchcoat Man looks "sad and determined" in the photos, and he's handing out fliers. Just then, Leo "Heaven-weight Champion" orbs in. Piper goes all David Spade, urging Prue, "Okay, buh-bye!" Prue explains that she'll be in the basement, developing film all night, very quietly. She hugs Piper goodnight and reminds her, "No sex without safe sex." Yeah, this from the gal who did it on a dirt floor with her escaped convict/kidnapper. Piper makes a whatever face along with Owen. Before Prue leaves, Piper reminds her that she's left a birthday card for their father on the kitchen table for Prue to sign, if she wants. Prue: "I don't." Prue says hey to Leo and leaves. Piper wonders aloud, "That's weird. Why wouldn't she want to sign the card?"

Sidebar. Two things. Hmm. Yet another plot on this show featuring a HALLMARK CARD. More fodder for shout-out speculation. And Piper's query about Prue's ambivalence toward Pére Halliwell is either a) the character being ironic, since she knows very well about the chip on Prue's shoulder, or b) some sort of recognition about the lack of continuity from episode to episode on this series. Y'all make the call.

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