Ex Libris

Episode Report Card
Owen: D | Grade It Now!
Ex Libris

Credits. So, Morrissey, when are you gonna play the P3AD? Huh? Huh?

Sarah Michelle Gellar holds up this make-up stick that's roughly half the size of her head, and tells us to buy it because it works three ways: "dabs" on, "glides" on, and "finishes" smooth. How stupid does she think we are? It's just a big friggin' face crayon.

The establishing footage are in fast-forward this week, so we can have more filler shots of the Goo Goo Dolls performing at the end of the show. Halliwell Manor. Day. Bathroom. The shower is running and the room is all steamy. Prue bursts in the door in a tank top and boxers, blathering to Piper about her thoughts on Trenchcoat Man keeping her up "all night." She tells Piper she's going back to "the Haight" to stalk TM; can Piper feed the cat? (Continuity Alert! Mention of Mrs. Bigglesworth.) Then she wipes some condensation off the mirror so she can watch her fabulous self brush her huge Scrabble-tile caps with a disinfected toilet brush. Actually, it's a normal-sized toothbrush and it's not really Piper in the shower, because her sister walks into the bathroom and asks Prue what she's doing in there. Just then, the shower stops and Leo pulls back the curtain. Prue appraises his naked body for several seconds until he puts on the towel Piper throws at him. Prue, or rather Prue-vert (tm funkyD): "Nice orbs!" Piper shepherds an agog Prue out of the bathroom, reminding her that she's a "sicko." Owen unclutches his pearls.

Kitchen. Phoebe's asleep, slumped forward on a textbook with her glasses askew. But her lip gloss, needless to say, is perfection. Piper and Leo enter and wake Pheebs up. She freaks when she looks at the clock and thinks she missed her finals. Piper tells her to relax because her test is tomorrow, then berates Phoebe for pulling "another all-nighter." Pheebs reminds her sister that if she doesn't "ace" the final, she'll flunk out of school, due to all of the "demon-hunting interruptions" this semester. She's going to change clothes and head to the library to study. Before she leaves, she asks Leo if mortals can prove demons exist. Leo: "I dunno. Maybe. If anyone did, no one would find out anyway. Evil doesn't want anyone to know. It has a system to cover its tracks, protect its identity. That's why the demons disappear when you guys vanquish them." Huh. And all along, I thought they were just copying the "dusted" staked vampires on Buffy or trying not to warp the young minds of the Goosebumps crowd who might be watching. Phoebe replies okay, and starts to leave the room. Piper reminds her about the birthday card she bought for Pére Halliwell. She holds it up for Pheebs to sign. Phoebe shrugs, refuses, and leaves, reasoning, "He never sends me one." Piper admits to Leo that Pheebs is right. Maybe she's just being a "glutton for punishment." Leo tells Piper that she "never gives up hope," and "never gave up on us." (HUH? Nice revisionist history of her treatment of you earlier this season, Leo.) Piper asks Leo if he was close to his father. Leo tells her that his past is "another lifetime -- literally." Piper says she has an appointment, but makes plans to meet him at the club and buy him lunch. Leo thanks her, because "White Lighter pay sucks."

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