FHM Interview With Alyssa Milano

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | Grade It Now!
FHM Hates Me
There's a worthless and somewhat distasteful question about the workout video Milano appeared in some years ago (masturbation is hinted at), and then Freer moves on to the problems Milano endures as a result of over-enthusiastic fans. Responding to a question about "kinky fan mail," Milano reveals she has a deal with her security team: if they come across something they find troubling, they contact Milano's mother, who then makes the call to heighten the security around her daughter. "There have been a couple of situations when…the FBI got involved," Milano notes. "My mother called and said, 'There's going to be a security guard parked outside your house for the next couple of days. Go out and say hello.'" Milano then goes on to chat about her website, Safe Searching, and how it came to be. For those not familiar with the story, Milano's twelve-year-old brother typed her name into a search engine, only to wind up with a score of links to pornography sites. After a series of thirteen lawsuits related to misappropriation of her image -- twelve of which were settled out-of-court -- Milano was $250,000 richer, "a substantial lump of money that felt gross because it was porn money," Milano tells Freer. She decided to put that money to good use by creating "an entertainment-industry-driven search engine," something new at the time. It's a shame the site, in general, sucks. Milano goes on to explain her improbable side career as a best-selling recording artist in Japan, where five of her albums have gone platinum, a career she has no plans to reproduce in the United States. "It would be another excuse for people to give me shit," she explains. This leads to a discussion about the Candies campaign in which she appeared, for which she did indeed receive shit from a variety of sources. The print ads were banned by Seventeen and Teen People magazines, but what was more distressing -- and to an extent reprehensible -- to Milano was the WB's attempt to distance itself from the campaign. "It was more to do with the condoms in the bathroom cabinet," Milano explains. "The WB was quoted as saying they didn't promote condom use, which is the most irresponsible thing. I think they were trying to say, 'We don't agree with premarital sex,' but that was offensive to me." I'm liking Alyssa Milano more and more as this interview goes on, and that absolutely terrifies me. The final segment deals with Milano's much-ballyhooed liberal attitude towards nudity, her brief marriage, and her current relationship status. We are again told of her love for topless gardening, but reminded of the tight control she maintains over her image. "I have major clauses in my contract saying if I choose to do nudity, I have editing and angle approval or I won't do it." Which seems to be a pretty standard thing for an actress to do, but then again, what the hell do I know? Freer then asks of Milano's eleven-month marriage to Cinjun Tate of Remy Zero, neither of whom I'd heard of prior to this interview. Freer asks Milano if she "[misses] the rock-star life." Milano says that her ex-husband and his band mates in no way resembled "typical rock stars." "They took Dramamine on the tour bus," Milano tells us. "There was no partying or girls [sic]. I expected it to be much darker and seedier than it was."

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