Hi. Oh, my God. They're still talking. Long story short, Phoebe blows him off again, some more, though she seems to realize that "Uncle Stoop" thing will have to be dealt with at some point in the future. As she exits to rejoin the others in the Hagquarters proper, Fugly Rufus silently squiggles in behind Stoop, grabs his arm, and squiggles out again. DUN!
Manor. Raige orbs into the parlor with her sisters, her grandmother, and the Book of Shadows. "Okay!" she perks upon coagulating on the carpet. "All we need to do now is find [Maggot Neck and Chrissssty]!" "You don't have to look far," The Ultimate Retard bleatssss assss sssshe enterssss the parlor from the foyer. "Can we talk?" NO. BLOW HER UP, PIPER. BLOW HER UP NOW. Unfortunately, Piper ignores me, choosing instead to stare the vacant, vapid, slackjawed, dull-eyed, mouthbreathing atrocity down until everyone vanishes into the next commercial break. DAMMIT.
Back from the break, Maggot Neck hissssssssessss out a sssseriessss of excussssessss and apologiessss for her recssssent behavior that neither the assembled ladies nor I wish to hear, so let's skip ahead to the point where my adorable husband and his boring brother arrive on the sun porch from Chez Victor to share what they learned from The Dead-Eyed Psycho. Which is nothing, actually, because they apparently just asked Daddy Dearest when The Psycho disappeared: Shortly before five in the evening the day before. Bimbo Girl revealssss what we already know about The Psycho's abduction, and Piper snarls something ferocious in her direction before Phoebe starts calling out Stoop's name. They need his ring again, you see, to return to a point earlier in the timeline in order to prevent Fugly Rufus, Openly Deranged Chrissssty, and The Zombie Triad from doing something undoubtedly wicked, but I totally don't care about any of that, because now I'm wondering how in the hell they're going to follow their hearts to the goddamned Zombie Triad. This stupid show. Whatever! Moving on! By the way, when the Feebs started bellowing for Stoop, Big Gay Chris and Boring Jesus exchanged a couple of Looks Fraught With Significance. Just so you know. He's so pretty. Sigh. Anyway, Stoop of course does not appear, which leads to much worry and dismay until Big Gay Chris and Drama-Queen Jesus heave meaningful sighs. "What?" Piper snaps at them. Hee. "The [Ever-Useless] Elders," my husband explains to his bony hag of an aunt, "sent [Stoop] down to you not just to help you find love, but to help you find him." Boring Jesus adds something I'll not be transcribing because it reiterates the vomitous notion that Phoebe somehow sacrificed more of herself over the last eight years than any of her sisters did. After that passes, my pretty, pretty husband continues, "They weren't going to put you through what Mom and Dad went through, so..." "...it wasn't and it will not be a forbidden love," Boring Jesus concludes. Phoebe, flabbergasted, waffles around for a little bit before getting to the point. "I don't understand how that information helps us right now," she admits. By way of response, she receives a load of bullshit about how she and Stoop are "as one" in the future, and how she just has to think about him to have him appear. So, Phoebe closes her eyes, thinks real hard for a moment, and Stoop hearts on in. I hate this show. He's somewhat worse for the wear after his struggles against Fugly Rufus, and is forced to admit that "some demon" absconded with his ring. Unforgivably, Maggot Neck's the one who putssss two and two together. "We're too late," sssshe realizessss. "They're going back in time, but I can, too."