Forever Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 12 USERS: B+

God, where the hell was I? Oh, yeah. Grams wants to remember everything she experienced this evening, but Patty would like very much to forget about it all, especially "what happened to Prue." At this, the camera cuts over to Phoebe for an appropriately downcast reaction shot, like, you hypocritical bitch. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOT HER FIRED. "Oh, Mom," Piper sighs. "It's all right," Patty claims with a brave little face. "I know everything happens for a reason -- I believe that." In other words, fuck you, Shannen Doherty. "I also know," Patty continues, brightening a bit, "that when one door closes, another one opens," and this has suddenly become less about The Late Lamented and more about the fact that at this point, no one present will ever have so steady a job again. Not that the four leads particularly need jobs after the millions they've raked in over the last eight years, but still. In any event, the family reunion degenerates into an unscripted hugfest that puts Victor Webster in dangerously close proximity to Drew Fuller, and my poor, battered brain just went to a filthy, filthy place. Woof. Damn you, Charmed!

As they all snicker and chortle and giggle and whoop, the screen slowly cross-fades to pass up the Manor façade one last time before cross-fading again to the dining room, presumably on the following day. Phoebe and Raige are seated across from each other, nursing mugs of something soothing as Piper enters from above with the Book of Shadows, which she rather deliberately places upon the table in front of her sisters. "Don't tell me we have to go fight a demon," Raige grumps. "No," Piper allows, "I don't think we'll have to do that anytime soon." "So, what's with the Book?" Phoebe wonders. "Well, I think we should write everything down," Piper suggests. "Everything that happened and everything we want future generations to know, so we can pass it down, just like it was passed down to us." Haven't they been doing that all along? What is wrong with these morons? Oh, whatever. It's simply a flimsy excuse to push us into what follows, in which each sister narrates a voice-over that projects the audience into her future. By the way, the first time I watched this sequence, I thought it awkwardly written at best, because each seems to narrate in her present voice events far in the decades to come, but upon a second (and a third, and a fourth, and a fifth) viewing, it more or less becomes clear right away that they leap almost immediately from their present selves somehow looking forward to their future selves looking back.

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