Forever Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 11 USERS: B

Anyway, Piper quickly connects the loss of Boring Jesus's powers to The Retard Sisters' abuse of The Hollow, and vows to kill them. Phoebe proposes they jump into the past again to prevent Maggot Neck and Chrissssty from absorbing The Hollow in the first place, but Piper complains that they have no idea when, exactly, that happened, and they do, because it happened at the same time they themselves absorbed The Hollow, and WHATEVER!, and CANCELLED! Boring Jesus assures her that his bemulleted and dead-eyed Psycho self will know the answer to all that, so he and Big Gay Chris prepare to orb over to Chez Victor to consult with the little freak. Patty jumps to join them, eager to see what her beloved Victor looks like "at this age," and there's a round of eye-rolling and mugging from her mother and her daughters because 1975 Patty doesn't know what 1976 Patty did with Sam Sam The this scene over yet? It feels like it's been going on for three years. In any event, just as they're about to depart, Stoop hearts in to take back his ring, and Boring Jesus blows yet another future secret by blurting out, "Uncle [Stoop]!" Big Gay Chris -- God love him -- pissily whacks his brother hard on the arm while Phoebe goes nuts with the spluttering and the outrage and such. Piper flutters around, ordering her sons and her mother off in one orbing direction before joining her sisters and her grandmother to flee the Manor in another, leaving a befuddled Stoop to hot his hot self over to the sun porch, where he huffs and pouts and hots and are we done here? Good.

Chez Victor. The gentleman in question sits in his robe at the dining room table, steeping a teabag in a mug while gazing bleakly at a toy chicken, but I'm not really paying attention to anything that's going on in this scene because Drew Fuller's name just app-- whoops. What I meant to say was, Victor gazes bleakly at a toy chicken until he hears a knock at the apartment's door. This time when he leaps over to answer, however, he finds not his sole surviving daughter standing in the hall with her freshly unfrozen husband, but rather his overexuberant and dead ex-wife with their two gay adult grandsons from the future. And that is the most bizarre sentence I've ever typed in my entire life. "Yaaaaaah!" Victor screams as Patty hops into his arms. There's a cute little scene in which 1975 Patty at long last learns what 1976 Patty did with Sam Sam The Whitelighting Man before Daddy Dearest sends Big Gay Chris and Boring Jesus off to consult with their younger selves. The screen flares white to escort us over to...

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