Charmed
Charmed

Episode Report Card
1589 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Frankly, You Morons, I Don't Give A Rat's Ass

The Underworld. Raige's orb cloud tumbles into Jondar's fumarole-littered lair -- like, way to recycle the sets without even trying to make them look different, Kern -- scattering the recoagulated Glamorous Ladies across the dirt along with the Book of Shadows. "How did we get here?" Phoebe heaves, pushing the Fun Bags up from the floor. "Dunno, I aimed for [Not!warts]," Raige sighs. "They must have...protected it...from US," she concludes, her bizarrely inappropriate phrasing intact despite her rough descent into Hell. "Wait," Phoebe cries, "so there's demons Up There, and we're stuck in the Underworld?" "We're the bad guys now," Piper notes with a shrug in her voice as she awkwardly struggles to her feet because Holly Marie Combs is, by now, twenty-six months pregnant. "How did that happen?" Mugs McGowan grimaces. "More importantly," Piper warns, "what are we gonna do now?" As she finishes her question, both she and her sisters find their ears assaulted by the suddenly audible disembodied mumblings of hundreds of the Underworld's finest. Piper eyes the smoky fumaroles for a moment before gritting out a meta-statement that describes this entire wasted hour: "Oh, this is bad. This is really bad." The camera skitters across the chamber to take in the gals from a low angle at the far side of the room, making them look impossibly small against the looming outcroppings of rock for a moment before the screen flares white one last time to batter us over to...

...Not!warts. Candor, Asmodeus, Fat Guy With The Stupid Earring, and Fugly Rufus cackle over the imminent demise of both The Manor Morons and The Sisters Retard before we finally, at long, long last, fade to black.

Well, that sucked.

Next week, Phoebe gets schmoopy and dies. Hooray! Two more left! Two more left! Unless that wicked cesspit of foulness Les Moonves decides at the last minute to renew this crap for the CW, as he did with the odious and loathsome 7th Heaven. And to think, only four short months ago I was practically planning our wedding reception. Damn you, Moonves!

Charmed

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