Charmed
Gone With The Witches

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Frankly, You Morons, I Don't Give A Rat's Ass

Go n-éirí an bóthar laet!
Let luck reveal what can't been seen.

Fabled land of poets, my ass. And why would the chant to activate the stupid fucking rainbow work on the crock of magical trouser nuggets? GOD, I hate this show. Anyway, ANYWAY, the magical trouser nuggets dissolve into a golden stream of light that arcs over towards the dais's glowing disk. The instant it reaches the thing, however, a black funnel cloud erupts to block the little fuckers' mojo, in the process spinning out winds strong enough to drive The Man From Another Place and The C.S.I. Piñata from the room. Once the door slams to bar the little fuckers from the chamber, Fugly Rufus reappears to smirk, "We may have just found a way to help [Maggot Neck] cross the final threshold. She may not believe the Charmed Ones are evil from us, but she'll believe it from [the annoying little fuckers, because she's a drooling moron, and this show sucks, and I want to die]." "Agreed!" the disembodied Zombie Triad shouts as one. "Summon Creo!" The demon in question promptly squiggles in and rather obsequiously eyebrows, "At your service, my lord." Such a polite young gentleman. Pity he'll be dead in about nine minutes. The camera lingers on Fugly Rufus's triumphant sneer for far too long before it cuts over to...

...Snidely's old office, and the hissing and the shrieking and the screaming and the "Desssstiny!" and OH MY GOD SHUT UP RETARD SHUT UP CHRISSSSTY SHUT UP RETARD SHUT UP CHRISSSSTY SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP AND DIE! Fugly Rufus barges in at some point to shout, "Demons!" and then we're off to the Library, where Creo and one of his henchthugs are winging Flaming Ball Of Death after Flaming Ball Of Death at The Man From Another Place and The C.S.I. Piñata. Maggot Neck lumbers in ahead of Chrissssty and Fugly Rufus, takes a second to evaluate the situation, and telekinetically flings a handy athame into the henchthug's chest right before the guy launches a final, ass-frying FBOD at the annoying little fuckers, who have by now crawled beneath a table to hide from the assault. Or, you know, they walked beneath it to hide from the assault. Because they're so short? Oh, whatever. Let's cut to the chase, shall we? Creo and Fugly Rufus basically concocted the entire attack so Maggot Neck might save the day, thereby winning the annoying little fuckers' allegiance for herself. Chrissssty, despite her telepathic connection to her various dark demonic friends, doesn't appear to have been made aware of the plan in advance, but she improvises her way through a series of Retard-appropriate responses to the situation, at one point even threatening to think real hard for a second to send Creo to The Waste Land in a pyrokinetic fireball. At Fugly Rufus's prompting, however, Maggot Neck lets Creo off with a warning, then toddles over to the annoying little fuckers to see if they're okay. They are, more or less, not that anyone in the entire universe gives a rat's ass about the stupid fucking leprechauns in this or any other episode, but that's not important. What is important is that The Man From Another Place and The C.S.I. Piñata admit they were sent to Not!warts by The Charmed Ones. Looks Fraught With Significance all around until the screen flares white to zap us over to...

...the nonexistent attic, where we find Piper hastily positioning herself behind a high table, the better to disguise the fact that Holly Marie Combs is, by now, eleven months pregnant. Phoebe, meanwhile, is still being an idiot about the inevitable Maggot Neck and Chrissssty vanquish. Go figure. Piper, with far more patience than I'd be able to muster in the same situation, reminds her dimwitted hag of a sister, "We're not talking about innocents, here, and whether or not there's a force behind them, The Triad hand-picked them to kill us. I mean, it's time to get real." Phoebe blithers something inane about avoiding confrontation, because she's a fucking moron, just as the crystal with which she'd been scrying for Creo's current location slams down on the city map spread out before her. It's landed suspiciously close to AT&T Park. Hmmmm. Phoebe hops up, retrieves a couple of vials of "truth potion" that Piper had whipped up at some point in the three years since this episode began, and heads off to confront Creo with Raige. Piper frets.

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Charmed

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