Hell Hath No Fury

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 3 USERS: A+
Hell hath no fury like a Piper bitching.

Manor. An overhead shot reveals Rose standing by a sofa in the hall with Phoebe off to one side as Cole paces the carpet. Rose lets out a series of delicate grunts as she flings her arms up and down. "Honey, what are you doing?" Phoebe asks. "I'm trying to do that orb thingy," she replies. "I can't seem to get the hang of it." Cole roars in her face. Rose immediately orbs out and back in again. Like I said on the boards, I think this is the beginnings of her version of astral projection, but I suppose we'll all have to wait and see. Cole calls it "a fear response." Phoebe tells Rose that until she learns to control it, it will only work when she's frightened. Rose doesn't think that will be a problem, given the current situation. Phoebe proposes they be prepared to "orb, levitate, or juggle knives" to keep the Furies away from Cole. Rose wonders again how they plan to de-Fury Piper. Phoebe suggests that it's a matter of "unexpressed rage." "Rage about what?" Duh. That little "Prue's Gone" plotline they're going to beat to death well before the fifth episode of the season. I guess these three didn't get the memo. Their natterings are interrupted by the howl of Cole's victims crashing down upon his poor little head. He screams and drops to his knees. Phoebe rushes to his side as Rose unexpectedly orbs out and in again. "They must be getting close," she guesses. You think?

Cole wails, "I'm so sorry," as he beats his fists against his temples. The redheaded Cancer Gal flings open the front door and stalks into the hallway. Phoebe rises up into the air and boots her in the head. A brief tussle ensues, and Rose calls out Phoebe's name. She turns in time to see Piper and the brunette down-draft into the hallway above Cole. Phoebe rises into the air again to deliver a couple of head-snapping kicks. Phoebe then struggles to get Cole onto his feet. Piper and the Cancer Gals circle in on their prey. Rose orbs a lamp into the redhead's back, which only makes the Gals that much more pissed off. As they advance on Rose, the redhead all of a sudden dissolves into flame. Cole pounded an FBOD into her back, and proceeds to eliminate the brunette the same way. Piper, not to be thwarted so easily, shreds Cole's shirt open with her Lee Press-Ons. Phoebe shouts, "Cole is not your problem, and you know it!" Piper apparently agrees, and attacks Phoebe. Snerk. Rose freaks and summons the BoS, which orbs over to her. The hell? Can they use their powers on the Book? Rose flips through the pages, searching in vain for an appropriate spell. Meanwhile, Piper is kicking the crap out of Phoebe. Cole threatens from the floor with an FBOD. Phoebe orders him to put it away. Addressing Piper, she states, "You think I abandoned you. You think it's my fault that Prue died." Piper backhands Phoebe into the same mirrored wardrobe she vanquished last week, then turns her attention to Rose. "You don't want to kill me, Piper," Rose splutters. "You don't even know me." Cole moves to collect Phoebe from the wardrobe wreckage as Rose continues, "This isn't about me, and it isn't about Phoebe, is it?" Phoebe yodels for the Dolt, who orbs into the hallway as Piper takes a swipe at Rose with the Press-Ons. Rose orbs out, reappearing at Piper's back. "Phoebe's not the sister who abandoned you," Rose babbles. "It's Prue, isn't it?" Piper clamps Rose in a choke hold. The Dolt strides over to the pair, wraps his arms around them, and orbs out. "Where'd he take them?" Cole asks. "To where Piper's really angry at," Phoebe replies, mangling the English language along the way.

Cut to a crypt that is not the Mausoleum's mausoleum. This one is too shiny and well-lit. The Dolt orbs in with Piper still at Rose's throat. Once she takes in her surroundings, however, Piper backs away from the others in stunned silence. Rose and the Dolt are revealed to be placed in front of Prue's tacky-looking nameplate, which is conveniently located at eye level. I don't know what's been up Piper's ass all night. Prue's the one with the legitimate complaint here. They couldn't spend a little more money on the damn thing? Anyway, Rose psychobabbles, "Tell her, Piper. It's all right to hate her." Piper shakes her head violently in dissent and claws at the crypt doors to open them. "You should hate her," Rose continues. "When my parents died, I hated them for it." That's healthy. Not. Piper pants and gasps and beats on the bronze. "I was alone," Rose states, "and I hated them. It's okay to hate Prue." Sorry, but I do have to pause here to note that if the demonic possession portion of this evening's presentation is a retread of "Look Who's Barking," and the enormous hooters section is a retread of the danger wrought by personal gain spells from "Morality Bites," then this whole misplaced-anger-during-a-time-of-grief thing is a retread of the lesson Death gave Prue in "Death Takes a Halliwell." There. I feel better now.

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