Hell Hath No Fury

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 2 USERS: A+
Hell hath no fury like a Piper bitching.

Manor parlor. Piper flips the Smug Bastard onto the sofa. The Dolt tells her to ease off on the innocent, and she tells him to shove it with the empathy. From the couch, the Smug Bastard demands to know what's going on. Unfortunately for him, he does so by asking, "What's with the chicks? They've gone crazy." Piper overenunciates her response: "This chick just saved your ass, you sniveling ingrate." The Bastard rises to his feet to appeal to the Dolt's presumed sense of chauvinism. Piper slams him across the room. The Dolt is disturbed. "Honey, I don't know what's going on with you, but we need to talk." Shut up, Dolt. Oh, look at that. Piper says it for me. "You know what?" she sneers. "I'm sick of talking." Piper blows up the Dolt. Hooray! Sadly, he simply dissolves into a cloud of orbs that reassembles itself in Dolt form a few feet away. Piper stalks over to the Bastard, with the Dolt ordering her not to "use [her] powers on a mortal." Cole pops into the doorway to warn the Dolt to move away from Piper immediately. "She's turning into a Fury," he states. Yeah, we know, Cole. For benefit of the learning disabled in the audience, we get a shot of Piper unclenching a fist to reveal a killer manicure. The Dolt urges her to "fight this." She responds by tenderly stroking his cheek, then flipping him forcefully over the couch. Hee! Piper uses her new claws to slash a series of wounds into the Bastard's chest. Cole casually prepares an FBOD. Piper leans in to the Bastard's face, a trail of smoke emerging from her mouth. Cole nails her with the FBOD. Apparently it was set on stun, as Piper is merely knocked against the wall and not sent blazing merrily down to Hell. Phoebe, the Fun Bags, Rose, and the Pamelas enter the parlor with the BoS in time to hear Piper pout, "That wasn't very nice." Then Piper vanishes into a down-drafting pillar of smoke and ash. Reaction gapes from Phoebe, Cole, and Rose take us to commercial.

Back in the parlor, Phoebe pages through the Book while the Dolt tends to the unconscious Bastard on the couch. The Dolt whines about the "low-voltage" FBOD Cole tossed into the wife. Rose, pacing behind the couch with the Pamelas, blames herself for the current situation. The Dolt whines about Rose absconding with the BoS. Phoebe tells him to shut up and focus on the Bastard's wounds. Cole's been sent to ascertain Piper's whereabouts. Phoebe finally mentions the Banshee similarity, noting that Piper is likely to be on a manhunt right about now. "Banshee?" Rose asks, confused. Phoebe defines the term. "Demonic screamer, kinda trampy, feeds on pain." Sounds like my last boyfriend. Rose sinks into the sofa as the Bastard comes to. He rises into a slumped sitting position, his head practically buried in the Pamelas. "Whoa!" quoth the Bastard. Rose decks him. "Paige!" chides the Dolt. "What?" she asks. "You only said I couldn't use magic to punish him." Phoebe orders the Dolt to orb the again-unconscious Bastard back to THAT PLACE WHERE NO ONE GETS ANY WORK DONE AT ALL. She also instructs him to persuade the Bastard to keep his mouth shut about the whole thing. The Dolt kneels at the Bastard's side to orb away. Once they're gone, Rose worries about how Phoebe intends to save Piper. "I mean, she's a demon now." "No, she's not full-on," Phoebe replies. "She doesn't have the talons yet." Talons? Okay, sure. I'll go along with that. For now. Phoebe then waxes nostalgic for a moment about the time Piper turned into a wendigo. Didn't see it, have no clue what she's talking about. Rose starts to wonder about maybe coming up with a spell to prevent future demonic conversions and possessions, but as such a spell would drain about three-fourths of the plot ideas out of the writers' room, Phoebe quickly interrupts this train of thought to ask Rose what word she substituted for "demon" in the Karma. Once again, "demon" was not part of the spell, but who's asking me? Phoebe scribbles the revised spell onto a sheet of white paper and rises to her feet before a lit candle on the coffee table. Taking Rose's hand, she recites, "Guided spirits, hear our plea. Annul this magic -- let it be." Phoebe sets the paper on fire. Presently, the Pamelas disappear by sinking back into Rose's chest. Rose glances down at her vastly-diminished bosom, then asks, "Do you think it worked a little too well?" Shut up, Rose.

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