Before we begin, a big wet sloppy shout-out to all of the posters on the show's boards who've contributed such intelligent, perceptive, topical posts lately. To paraphrase Shannen Doherty, it just doesn't "git" "inny" (tm jenni) better than this. I think y'all hung the moon.
A stone mansion with a circular driveway and fountain out front. Night. Cut to three elderly women holding hands and chanting in the basement. From the sounds of it, they're trying to summon "the demon Kryto," who we're going to call Cheeto for obvious reasons once y'all grasp the cheezy, deep-fried heinousness of this week's story. The trio of oldsters consists of a cauliflowerhead who I recognize from many other movies and TV shows but consider an "Ew, It's that Guy" instead of a Fametracker "Hey, It's that Guy" because of her lack of talent. There's also a redhead who I spot as the ballet-school secretary who cheered Jennifer Beals's body double on at the end of Flashdance, and a brunette old lady who might have been in that recent commercial where the young women on the chaise lounges age decades from waiting for their friend to make frozen cocktails and end up as shriveled harridans who whine, "Are they ready yet? Are they ready yet?" But I might be wrong. Anyway, Cauliflowerhead coughs in mid-chant. Redhead asks if she's okay. Cauliflowerhead bitches at her to keep chanting. Brunette groans, in a Sylvia Sidney rasp, that they've been chanting for fifteen minutes. Redhead, who's called Helen, harshes to Brunette, who's name is Amanda, that "it's a séance, not [a long-distance provider product placement]." So the three keep chanting, chanting, chanting. Finally, from the middle of their circle, dry ice is blown up their skirts. A demon cloud that takes the form of the disembodied head of Michael Jackson (if only!) demands to know, "WHO SUMMONED ME?" The old ladies are humbled by Cheeto's presence. He wants to know what they want. Cauliflowerhead, whose name is Gail, wants what "only he can give: youth, beauty, health." And also for him to stop blowing smoke up their asses, I guess. Cheeto wants to know what's in it for him. The old ladies will make him "whole again." Cheeto wants some "powers" too. Gail thinks that's do-able, and recites the Charmed Ones' powers for him. As Cheeto's cloud head seeps back into the floorboards, he agrees to the deal; in exchange, they'll have their youth. After his departure, Helen complains to Gail about "promising something we can't get. Won't it make him angry?" Gail declares, "I'll get the powers. I have to. I'm not ready to die." She tells her friends that she's leaving, and orders them to have "[their] quilt finished by tomorrow night."













Comments