Hyde School Reunion

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 1 USERS: B
"Pointless Filler Episode Number 128"

County Jail. A guard escorts the infamous and shackled Rick Gittridge into a conference room. Mr. Rick, who looks like a poor man's Ray Liotta, eyes the three "attorneys" awaiting his arrival and sneers, "You're not my lawyers." The balding, middle-aged "advocate" blathers something about being sent over by Mr. Rick's public defenders as the guard shoves Mr. Rick into a chair and leaves. The other two "attorneys" are a brunette in her early thirties and a blonde who looks like Laura Linney's kid sister. Needless to say, they are actually Todd, Freebie, and Ramona, as Mr. Rick discovers when Freebie reverses the glamour she cast on herself and her erstwhile friends. Mr. Rick leaps to his feet in shock and snatches up the metal chair he's just vacated, waving it around in front of his body defensively. Because the script says he must, the guard reenters the conference room and takes the metal chair in the face. Mr. Rick shuts and locks the door after the guard has crumpled unconscious to the floor. Todd blurts out an explanation regarding Phoebe's powers, Ramona whines something about a prank gone horribly wrong, Mr. Rick announces that Freebie's going to spring him from the clink, and Freebie allows Mr. Rick to drag her into the commercial break. God, this is dull.

Back at that warehouse-type place, a different guard enters with a shotgun, followed by Todd, Ramona, and Freebie, the last of whom languidly flicks her wrist in front of the guard's face, morphing him back into Mr. Rick. For some reason, Mr. Rick remains in the guard's uniform rather than switching back to his orange jumpsuit, but this show is ass, so whatever. And...not much else happens in this scene. No, seriously. Todd and Ramona pretty much overrule a suspicious Freebie by deciding to allow Mr. Rick to hang out with them for a while, and that's it. Yawn.

The Non-Existent Attic. Piper finishes arranging a protective circle of crystals on the windowsills, and orders Big Gay Chris to remain in the room until she and Raige have summoned Phoebe and vanquished the demons. Big Chris protests that she shouldn't be risking her life like that. "Nothing's going to happen to me," Piper argues, before adding after a beat, "Unless you know something that I don't." Daddy Dearest attempts to deflect this line of questioning by agreeing, "Nothing's going to happen to you, honey. Not now." Big Gay Chris is all, "Oh, great, Gramps. Go ahead and tell her she's going to drop dead before my twentieth birthday, why don't you?" Only he's very non-verbal about the whole thing. "Oh," Piper breathes. "So...when?" Turning to Chris, she asks, "Is that what you've been living with? Knowing that something happens to me?" Chris averts his eyes. "I see," Piper replies. "Well, does it happen soon?" "I can't tell you that," Chris pleads. "It could change the future in even worse ways." "Riiiight," Piper offers. "But isn't that why you came here in the first place -- to make the future better? How do you know you haven't already changed mine?" And if this show were not ass, this is where Chris would explain that he's been maintaining multiple sets of memories in his head that shift every time he does in fact change the future for the better, and that as his memory of Piper's death hasn't changed at all, he's pretty sure she still bites it in 2018. Unfortunately, this show sucks, so he doesn't, and whatever. Kill me, please. "Well," Piper begins, "whatever it is, it obviously doesn't happen until you're born, it." Chris gifts her with a wistfully fond smile and surprises everyone present by mumbling, "I got it, Mom." Piper and Victor grin. Big Gay Chris looks like he's going to cry again. Awwwww!

Warehouse-Type Place. Boring! Mr. Rick wants to knock over an armored car. Ramona, Todd, and Freebie tell him to go to hell. Mr. Rick slams the butt of the rifle into Todd's head, sending Todd into an unconscious sprawl on the warehouse floor. For some stupid reason, this breaks the spell that turned Phoebe into Freebie, and she flares and morphs back into her adult self. Phoebe, spoiling for a fight, approaches Mr. Rick with, "I kill demons every day -- you think I'm scared of you?" Mr. Rick warns her to stop moving, cocking the rifle as he does so. At that moment, a swirling cloud of glowing golf balls swarms around the Feebs, and she dematerializes. Mr. Rick and Ramona look dumb.

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