Anyway, Piper immediately calls for the Dolt, leading not-so-smooth Big Chris to observe none-too-slyly, "Have you ever noticed that the Dolt is the first person you call in your time of need?" Piper grants her younger son nothing more than a frosty glare as the Dolt orbs into the attic behind him. "Uh oh," mumbles the Dolt upon catching sight of Phoenie. "I still can't believe you made a wish," Piper sighs. "I thought she was an innocent!" Phoenie protests. "How was I supposed to know I was going to unleash a demon?" "Says so right here," the Dolt duhs, hoisting the garish bottle from the table to read the Fauxrabic inscription scrolled around the thing's base. Backwards. That's right -- the stupid Dolt twirls the thing in his fingers so that the script flows from left to right. Asshole. In any event, the backwards text reveals that Jinny was cursed into the bottle for not agreeing to marry some "ancient sorcerer" from ages past. Excuse me? She gets her ass slung into a bottle for all eternity because she told some chauvinistic dicksmack to take a hike, and we're supposed to be rooting against her? What the fuck ever. God, I hate this show. Anyway, the backwards Fauxrabic inscription goes on to note that whoever freed Jinny would have to switch places with her. "Missed a big one here, bud," the Dolt dicks, passing the bottle to Big Gay Chris. "It's not his fault," Phoenie insists, "it's [mine]." Piper wonders why Phoebe's Fucking Backup Band didn't alert her to Jinny's true motives. Phoenie growls that Jinny tricked not only the Fucking Backup Band, but the Book as well.
The Manor Morons bang their heads together and realize they must somehow reverse the magic by tricking Jinny into wishing Phoenie free. Piper waddles out of the room to phone Raige while Phoenie natters something dumb about "the element of surprise" and its importance in their current endeavor. "Are you sure?" Big Chris grits. "Because we could always take our time with this plan -- you know, keep Piper around a little longer?" "Yes, Master!" Phoenie instantly replies. "I'm glad you agree," Chris smirks. "A-a-actually, I don't agree," Phoenie stammers, "but I can't I can't how am I supposed to take charge and take commands all at the same time?" The Dolt blithers something about Phoenie not needing to, as the other ever-useless Elders have agreed to banish Big Gay Chris back to 2026, and the Dolt intends to send him there right now. "You don't know what you're doing, [Dolt]," Phoenie breathes as Big Gay Chris gets loud. The boys bicker, with Big Chris finally exploding with, "This isn't about me being a bad Whitelighter -- it's about you feeling like I've let you down somehow, so whatever issues you might have with me? I wish you would just get over it already!" Phoenie involuntarily presses her palms together, nods her head, and blinks, then gazes down at her rebellious arms as if they belonged to some other idiot in the Manor. You know, they really should have included the I Dream Of Jeannie "Bwiiinnng!" noise here. Hell, it wouldn't have been any worse than the Fucking Backup Band, am I right? In any event, Phoenie's mojo smacks the Dolt square in his face, and he twists around a bit as Big Chris tentatively intones, "[Dolt]?" The instantly affable and quite possibly baked Dolt's all, "Guh! Of course I forgive you, man!" All teeth and surfer-boy attitude, he adds, "You don't have to yell -- all you had to do is ask." Chris is flabbergasted. Phoenie, thankfully, is mute. Then, and with much wild gesticulation, Stoned Dolt adds that Chris needn't worry about "the whole going-back-to-the-future thing," as Stoned Dolt'll fix it with the ever-useless Elders. Stoned Dolt giggles and says, "C'mon, give me a hug!" before wrapping his arms around Big Chris in a manly embrace. Big Chris, perhaps having stumbled across the same disturbing fan-written Dolt Porn I found last week on the internet, looks like he's about to vomit. Phoenie sucks in her cheeks, puckers her lips, and bugs out her eyes. Perhaps she came across that godawful crap, too.