Out in the hall, Raige opens the front door to find Buttfuck on the front porch. He's there to apologize, and conjures a bouquet of red roses. Raige gapes.
Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, Phoenie's reemerged from the bottle to howl, "You wanna make them do what?" "Hey," Big Chris reasons, "we finally got Dad in a good mood, and Mom? She's all sexed up for the fireman. This is the perfect time to hit them with the whammy." Phoenie flatly refuses to make Piper and the Dolt "sleep together." "We're gonna do this my way, mister," she sasses. "Master," Chris pointedly corrects before pronouncing, "I wish for Piper and [the Dolt] to sleep together tonight." Phoenie splutters in futile protest for a moment before making with the involuntary nod-and-blink schtick. The sound of bodies collapsing to the floor almost instantly arrives in the kitchen from the sun porch. D'oh!
Phoenie and Big Gay Chris return to the sun porch to find Piper and the Dolt unconscious on the floor, the cast-iron table's top artfully obscuring Piper's body from the chest down to disguise the fact that Holly Marie Combs is, by now, three hundred and ninety-seven weeks pregnant. "Oh, no," Chris groans, oddly subdued. "You tricked me." "You made me wish for them to sleep together," Phoenie shrugs, "and they're sleeping together." Chris, supremely annoyed, orders Phoenie back into the bottle.
Over at the front door, Raige has just broken up with zzzzzzzzzzzz. Ow! Sorry. Lapsed into a coma there, and ended up smacking my forehead against the coffee table. Pardon me for a moment while I fetch a washcloth to stanch the bleeding. Yes, Kern will be getting the bill for the stitches. No, I won't head to the emergency room until after I've finished the recap. Goddamn, but that man is a pain in the ass. I'll be right back.
Okay, bleeding's stopped. For now. Where was I? Oh, that's right: Whatever.
The fight at the door is interrupted when sounds of a Big Gay Chris smackdown erupt from the sun porch. One of Saba's new minions lifts Chris by the collar of his jacket and the waistband of his jeans and slams him headfirst into the cabinet. Oh, ow. It looks like his neck caught on the upper corner of the thing. Yikes. Chris snipers to the floor, dazed, as the minion unsheathes his scimitar and the garish bottle containing Phoenie skitters across the floor to slide beneath a plant stand. Chris staggers woozily to his feet, ordering the just-arrived Raige to find the bottle. The minion charges, but Chris parries with a floor lamp. They tussle. Raige races towards the plant stand, only to be blocked by another scimitar-wielding minion, who takes a whack at her. Raige orbs out at the last second, reappearing on the far side of the porch. She summons the scimitar with her orbing telekinesis and guts the minion the moment it materializes in her hand. The minion howls and wails and, well, you know. Hell. Chris continues with the mighty tussling as Saba herself squiggles onto the sun porch. She lunges for the bottle as Buttfuck slips silently into the doorway to flip her across the room with a telekinetic flick of his wrist. Raige plunges her scimitar into the remaining minion's back, then turns her attention to Saba. Employing a bit more of her orbing telekinesis, she arranges the Mystical Crysticals in a circle at Jinny's feet, where they glow to form an invisible cage that flares only when Jinny attempts to break through the barrier. I guess they finally realized how crappy those cage effects really are, huh? Chris straightens up by Raige's side as she eyes Saba and whispers, "Where's the bottle?" The two turn to find Buttfuck staring hungrily at the object in question, which now rests in his hands. He wiggles his wonky eyebrows and flears into the commercial break. DUN!
Sun porch. Aftermath. Raige and Saba snipe at each other. "When I form my empire," Saba promises, "the first thing I'm gonna do is rid the world of witches." "Oh yeah?" Raige snaps back. "When you're back in your bottle, the first thing I'm gonna do is put you in the microwave!" Raige spins on her heel to flounce off as Saba calmly raises her palms into the air to…I don't know. Meditate, I guess.