I Dream Of Phoebe

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 1 USERS: B
Let's Play Master And Servant

Back in the parlor, Big Gay Chris has arranged his slumbering parents in each other's arms on one of the overstuffed sofas, and fondly spreads a blanket over Piper's sleeping form to disguise the fact that Holly Marie Combs is, by now, four hundred and three weeks pregnant. "What's wrong with them?" Raige asks as she clomps into the room. "It's a long story," Chris sighs. "Give me the Cliffs Notes version," Raige suggests. "C'mon, Chris -- you and [the Dolt] and Phoebe have all been acting weird since before the demon attacked! What's going on?" Chris shakes his head as he rises to his feet, and reluctantly admits, "I made a little wish." "What?" Raige bites. "Okay…two little wishes," he amends. "What did you wish for?" Raige grunts, pressing her palms against her presumably aching head. "For the Dolt to forgive me," Chris shrugs, "which, by the way, was an accident." "And?" Raige leads. "For Piper and the Dolt to sleep together?" Raige makes a tremendous stink-face and, horrified, squeals, "You are sick! What is wrong with you? That is disgusting! You are some creepy registered sex offender from the future! Oh, my God, you're so gross!" Hee. Chris, who'd been babbling denials beneath her little tirade, finally yelps, "I'm Piper and [the Dolt's] son!" Raige, stunned, shuts up as Chris continues, "They're my parents. I came back to save my family." Raige, mind thoroughly blown, retreats to the relative sanity of an armchair as Big Chris drops the whole conception bomb on her head. "This has been such a long day," she sighs. Chris kneels at her side and offers to orb over to Castle Montanague to fetch Phoenie. "You can't," Raige insists, insisting that Buttfuck's "crazy right now." "Who else knows about this?" she wonders. "Just Phoebe," Chris assures her. Raige orders him to keep an eye on the demon while she brews up a power-stripping potion for her boyfriend. She rises to head into the kitchen, but pauses when she reaches the hallway to glance over her shoulder at Big Gay Chris gazing protectively at his sleeping parents. Raige allows herself a slight, affectionate smile before disappearing.

Castle Montanague. Phoenie, in full Phoebe The Amazing Dipshit mode, hoots and yodels as she propels herself against the bottle's interior walls in an attempt to knock it on its side. The bottle teeters on its table as Buttfuck ransacks the Castle's potions room for a particular manuscript. Phoenie eventually succeeds in toppling the bottle and materializes to greet Buttfuck with, "Thank God! I thought a demon got me. Why didn't you let me out?" Buttfuck distractedly mutters that he's "not ready for [her] yet" as Phoenie realizes that she's in "the black magic vault." Oh, whatever. Will this subplot never end? Not anytime soon, apparently, for the two blither at each other until Buttfuck finds what he'd been searching for -- a book of carefully worded wishes for use with genies, because, as we've seen, things can go horribly awry if one's not particular about these things. He intends to win Raige's affections by having Phoenie cast a spell on her. Raige orbs into the doorway at this moment to spit, "How come you didn't tell me Chris was my nephew?" "Yeah, maybe we could talk about that later," Phoenie babbles from the far side of Buttfuck's back, "because you're boyfriend's about to go woo-woo!" This last bit is accompanied by a sing-song tone and appropriate finger gestures. Heh. Raige flips the power-stripping potion at Buttfuck's head, but he counters with a wrist-flick that sends Raige and that potion vial sliding across the entrance hall's marble floor. Raige slams her head into an ornamental pillar, and grunts. Phoenie phreaks and darts over to her sister, while Buttfuck makes me long for death's sweet embrace so I don't have to deal with his asinine storyline anymore.

Manor sun porch. Saba meditates as the doorbell rings.

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