Manor. As the much-abused grandfather clock chimes midnight, Chris paces fretfully in the parlor, wondering why his parents aren't waking up. Phoebe suggests he relax. "Relax?" he babbles. "Did you just tell me to relax? 'Cause I am about to disappear. Vanish forever. Cease to exist." "Ohmigod," she eyerolls, "you are so dramatic." Phoebe should have just called Big Gay Chris a drama queen and been done with it. Piper and the Dolt grunt and mutter and writhe awake in each other's arms. "You okay?" Phoebe asks. Piper and the Dolt pause for a moment, realize they're in a compromising position, and promptly freak, immediately breaking apart with Piper scooting to one end of the couch while the addle-headed Dolt leaps uncomfortably to his feet. Phoebe grins. Heh. Phoebe and Big Gay Chris fill the others in on recent events, and Chris passes Jinny's bottle to his father so the latter "can take care of [it]." "Do you still forgive me?" Chris adds, hopefully. "Of course," the Dolt shrugs, clueless. At least he has some sort of excuse for said cluelessness this time. Phoebe then blunderingly wonders why neither she nor Raige nor Piper moved on, thereby informing Piper of the fact that she almost died while she was asleep. "So that wasn't a dream I had?" Piper puzzles. She recaps the Manor events from four scenes ago, like, thanks, sweetheart, but they've already been covered. Addressing the Dolt, she realizes, "You wouldn't let me move on!" Chris figures out that the Dolt thereby saved Phoebe and Raige as well. As the wish involved death for all of the Charmed Ones, Piper's quick resurrection prevented Phoebe and Raige from crossing over. Oh, just go with it. There are forty seconds left in the episode, and I don't have the energy at this point to bitch. "That was really sweet of you!" Piper offers. The Dolt grins sheepishly and tells her not to worry about it. "You, uh, wanna go with me to get [The Psycho]?" he asks. "Sure," Piper nods, rising to take his hand. The two dematerialize as Chris jumps up to blurt, "What about…" As his parents vanish, he forlornly finishes, "…me?" Say it with me: Awwww! "I wouldn't give up," Phoebe offers with an inscrutable expression on her face. "There may be hope for you yet." The camera slowly pans backwards from the two as we fade to black.
Next week: Dolt Sex. But it's okay! After all, it results in Big Gay Chris. Not to mention the much-anticipated end of Block That Fetus! -- and not a moment too soon, as far as I'm concerned. Let's face it: Holly Marie Combs's kid is, by now, about three months away from applying for an AARP membership. Have fun!