Charmed
I Dream Of Phoebe

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 1 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Let's Play Master And Servant

Castle Montanague. Raige, still in her fabulous slinky black gown, wiggles through the main floor, calling out Buttfuck's name. Buttfuck pulls a flare-and-smear combination out of his, well, butt, really, to startle her by materializing suddenly at her side. This is not one of his inherent powers, by the way. Buttfuck's actually been on a potion-mixing tear, and while I didn't know you could brew potions that conjured up sparkly diamond trinkets and fabulous bias-cut evening gowns and whatnot, I'll not be wasting too much brain power on it, because this subplot? Is boring. And pointless. You want proof? Try this: Raige unleashes what has by now become her standard rant about Buttfuck's mysterious and annoying problems with magic, to which he rather reasonably replies, "That's why I'm doing this -- to prove that I can handle it! I'm not turning into a dark beast, right?" "But that's not the point," Raige gently retorts. What is the point, you ask? Beats the shit out of me. They've never explained it before and they sure as hell don't explain it tonight, and as this is Balthazar Getty's last scheduled appearance on the show, I say, "What the fuck ever." Buttfuck, having had more than enough of this crap himself, brushes past Raige to exit, leaving her down in the depths on the ninetieth floor. Or, you know, in the middle of Castle Montanague's secret potions chamber. She's looking glamorous enough for her very own Cole Porter number, though, which was actually my point. Oh, shut up. At least I have one.

Manor attic. Saba leafs through the Book, waxing nostalgic over her past masters as she finds familiar demon after familiar demon inked onto the Book's pages. Phoebe, meanwhile, brews something nasty at the table in the center of the room. "You sure got around," she absently notes. Making conversation more than anything else, she wonders, "How did so many demons get a hold of you, anyway?" Saba launches into her tale of misery and woe, admitting that she was bought or stolen so many times over the years, she's lost track. Phoebe sighs a bit regretfully and pauses from her task to apologize. "I'm sorry I can't set you free, but wishing is just too risky right now." Saba allows her face to fall a bit. Big Gay Chris orbs into the middle of all this with Piper, who's donned a grey crocheted poncho to disguise the fact that Holly Marie Combs is, by now, three hundred and eighty-four weeks pregnant. "Okay, let's go!" she zings. "[Hilton Cooties] is not going to wait forever!" "Well, then you should dump him," Big Chris snorts. Piper arches an instantly outraged brow as Phoebe attempts to placate her with, "He's just being overprotective." Piper whatevers and turns her attention to Phoebe's guest. "I suppose you're the genie?" she prompts. "Jinny," Saba confirms. "Jinny the genie," Phoebe adds with a doofy half-giggle. Piper, supremely unamused, acidly acknowledges the ridiculous character name with a sniffy, "Of course." Big Gay Chris ignores the icy meet-and-greet to cross to the Book of Shadows and consult the entry on Bosk. Wow. I don't know if any of you knew this, but Stan Lee was one of the Glamorous Grandladies back in the day, apparently, because Demon Boy's little watercolored portrait makes him look like a better-dressed version of Peter Parker. In any event, Bosk is defined as a "sinister demon who attacks by shooting light darts at his victims." According to the Book, Bosk "can be vanquished with the following ingredients: Mandrake, dark roasted wattleseed, dwarf silkweed," and something illegible because Big Chris's big finger is blocking my view. Saba's joined him, by the way, and they'd make a fine couple if it weren't for the fact that he likes guys and she's secretly evil. Ooops. Spoiler!

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Charmed

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