Is There A Woogy In The House?

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | Grade It Now!
Get Down! Woogy Oogy Oogy!

Anyway, Piper directs the gas man downstairs, and when he's gone, the elder Ps start in on Phoebe about her fear of the basement. I have to say that I was never a big fan of going into my basement alone, so of all the reasons to give Phoebe shit, this one ranks somewhere around "googol." Prue teases that there might be a boogyman down there, or, as Piper corrects, a "Woogyman," which is how Phoebe pronounced the word when she was a child. Well, in that case, let me just express this thought: Phoebe, you're one hell of a witch. Phoebe protests that she was only five, and Prue snarks on her for not having gone back down there in eighteen years. Which, well, not, but who can expect the "writing" "team" to keep track of things that happened twelve whole episodes ago? Of course, if you want to argue that the real problem is that they can't subtract five from twenty-one correctly, I'm not going to be the one to tell you you're wrong. Anyway, Phoebe protests that the thing in the basement was real, but Piper counters that Grams told her she got rid of it to humor Phoebe so she'd sleep better. I don't know why Grams didn't just tell them all the truth. If she'd had it in her head that she might have to bind the Ps' powers someday, I could see it, but that doesn't jive with the upcoming events of "That '70s Episode," so I'm going to bust out the one-word sanity-saving defense mechanism we recappers are so often forced to fall back on: Whatever.

Downstairs, the gas man is startled when the light shorts out, but pulls out a flashlight. Walking forward, he trips and almost takes a header. There's a large crack in the floor, and considering there was just an earthquake, I'd think he'd be looking out for such things. He takes out a tool and starts playing with the crack. Oh, you naughty, naughty gas man. Give it to that floor, baby. What? Something snaps, and steam pours out, followed by a black cloud. The effect isn't overdone, and as such is spookier than I would have expected. The cloud breathes, in a deep electronic mwa-ha-ha voice that's also far creepier than it has any right to be, that the gas man has freed it, and will now help it "take back the hoooooouuuuuuussssssseeeeee." Speed up the Dumbledore-esque delivery there, Cloudy.

Upstairs, Piper asks who "Chanda Lier" is. Apparently it's a pseudonym Phoebe used to score some fake CDs, and if Phoebe's going to commit fraud, you'd think she'd pick a name that's less obviously fake than "I.P. Freeley," but again, whatever. This is all so Prue can make a stupid and strained comment about Phoebe's "dark side" coming to the surface. Prue, honey, if you think that's bad, you should just be glad you didn't live to see Season Four. Even if the rest of us still miss you. Sniff. Phoebe says she doesn't have a dark side (hee) and she's not innocent (duh). Piper babbles something else about the Woogyman, and Prue snarks that Phoebe used to keep them up all night about it when the three of them were sharing a room, like, nice one, except last time I checked, the Manor had three bedrooms, and Finola took The Swim That Needs No Towel long before Phoebe was five, so unless Grams insisted on having a separate room for her gentleman callers, that's utter horseshit. Maybe that's the odor they smelled earlier. On the other hand, it would be amusing to consider that they if they shared a room, it would have had to be the Bimbo Boudoir. Phoebe pouts and whines some more until the gas man reappears. Piper asks for a verdict, and the answer is "bad." Couldn't have said it better, my man. Prue babblingly asks for clarification, which comes thusly: "By tonight, there will be no more problems." I've seen this episode, dude, and you're lying. And here I thought we understood each other. Prue and Piper run off, and thanks for that, considering I'm halfway through page three and we're still in the teaser.

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