Charmed
Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 333 USERS: C+
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The Passion Of The Chris, Part II

Meanwhile, the Dolt's collapsing to the tile over at The Only Hospital In San Francisco. Mangy Jesus tosses the Dolt one last supremely dismissive glare before stalking off down the hall and blinking out as the hallucination ends. Big Gay Chris's faint cry for help reaches the Dolt's supernatural ears as Barbas flickers back in to gloat, "In trying to save one son, you have lost both. Very, very sad." Barbas flickers out just as Brian Krause unleashes his patented Constipated Chimpanzee Face Of Unbearable Anguish And Torment, and I am instantly struck blind. Judging from what I can hear, though, the Dolt eventually pulls it together to orb back to the nonexistent attic in time to watch Snidely pink-orb out with the Psycho. The Dolt hovers over his -- let's face it -- mortally wounded son as Big Gay Chris grimaces in agony all the way out into the commercial break.

Barbas's Lair. Snidely pink-orbs in with the Psycho so that the gargantuan hams can devour what little remains of the set after that last scene they had together while they figure out a way to slaughter the toddler. Barbas eventually loses patience and dives for the Psycho with an athame, but the Psycho orbs out, sending Barbas face-first into the dirt. And that's pretty much all there is to say about that one. Next!

Oh. Um. Can I go back? Please? Shit. The Dolt eases Big Gay Chris onto the bed in the Bridal Boudoir and applies the tingly touch as Big Gay Chris, ever the martyr, insists that his father search immediately for his brother. The Dolt refuses until Chris gently pushes his hands away, reminding him that as Snidely's magic is responsible for the gaping hole in his stomach, only more of the same magic can heal him. Since that's extremely unlikely to happen at this point, the Dolt must find the Psycho "before the trauma turns him." Oh, Chris. I already told you. Your brother is destined to become Mangy Jesus, and there's nothing you can do about it. Save yourself. Alas, it is not to be, for Chris argues that despite appearances to the contrary, should the Dolt save the Psycho, the Dolt will save Big Gay Chris as well. The Dolt reluctantly stands to orb out, promising to return with one of Chris's aunts so as not to leave him alone in his five minutes of need. "You're going to be fine," the Dolt insists, bending to kiss Chris's forehead. "I promise." Aw. No, seriously. Aw. Bet you never thought I'd type that about the Dolt and mean it, now, did you? The camera shifts above Chris's death bed -- sniff! -- as the Dolt orbs up through the ceiling.

Charmed

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