Charmed
It's A Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Part II

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
The Passion Of The Chris, Part II

Hell. Snidely, mimicking the Dolt's voice, tricks the Psycho into orbing into some anonymous chamber, traps the emotional void in a cage of Mystical Crysticals, and summons Barbas, who materializes to slither and menace and boring! Snidely passes the Chris-killing athame to his fellow ham to bless, the plan being that once both a demon and an Elder have consecrated the thing, it'll be able to pierce the Psycho's remaining defenses and BORING! I don't care about the fucking dead-eyed brat! Kill him already! Kill him! Shit. Barbas skewers Snidely with the athame instead, then morphs into the Dolt. Granted, the Dolt's here to exact vengeance for his prettier son, and I certainly approve of that, but you know it's going to take them forever to get through it. Sigh. So, the Dolt sneers and backhands Snidely all the way across the current chamber and halfway through Barbas's Lair beyond. Snidely tries to argue his case, but the Dolt of course isn't having it and tosses Snidely into a wall. Barbas, unnoticed, blazes in to spy on the action for the briefest of moments before blazing out again, and I mention that only because I'm certain they're going to drag him back into the seventh-season storylines, if for no other reason than to annoy the living shit out of me. Tussling. Grunting. Shouting. Ennui. The Dolt resigns his Elder duties at some point during all of this, by the way. Like we didn't know that was going to happen sooner or later. Eventually, the Dolt summons Snidely's special mirror into Barbas's lair. It materializes to reveal the Pinhead standing in Bizarro Barbas's Underground Arboreal Retreat. "You ready?" the Pinhead asks. "Ay-yup," the Dolt replies. "But remember -- I have to do this alone." Snidely, who's already been beaten to the point that he's unable to rise from the dirt, is all, "Do what alone?" "A great evil," the Dolt sneers, right before he unleashes massive bolts of electricity from his hands that hoist a howling and writhing Snidely into the air. In the mirror, the Pinhead stands off to one side as Bizarro Snidely also howls and writhes in mid-air. And in the middle of all this…

…we cut to The Only Hospital In San Francisco, and oh, screw me. Now Phoebe is making me all misty-eyed. I hate this show. "Fade away?" she asks softly, having just received the news from Raige. "Whuh-what do you mean, 'He just faded away'?" "In [the Dolt's] arms," Raige confirms, "after he died." Phoebe, trying not to burst into tears, gets desperate and breathy as she stammers, "Yeah, but m-m-maybe he didn't die! I mean, maybe he was just going back…" Raige shakes her head sadly, eyes glistening and red. Sniff. Damn you all! Bastards! BASTARDS! "Oh, God," Phoebe sighs. "Poor [Dolt]." Screw the Dolt. What about me? How the hell am I supposed to make it through another season of this shit without Big Gay Chris? Huh? HUH? What, you think I'm supposed to care about Raige's stupid fucking temp jobs and Phoebe's stupid fucking vision quest and Piper's stupid fucking marriage? Think again, asshats.

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Charmed

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