The Only Hospital In San Francisco. A policeman leads an idiotically grinning amputee through the emergency room doors towards points unknown as the camera pans past another amputee in a wheelchair and another amputee leaning on a doctor's arm, before landing on policewoman who cheerily notes, "You're all done, sir -- all you have to do is pay your fine!" as she assists yet another amputee to his feet. Everyone's clad, incidentally, in bright primaries and pastels. Raige and Phoebe wander into the emergency room from the street, with Raige snarking, "Wow. It's just as creepy in here as it is out there." The gals arrive at the reception desk, where a blazing redhead in an old-fashioned nurse's uniform welcomes them with a far-too-chipper "Welcome to San Francisco Memorial! How can I help-help-help you?" "You could take it down a notch," Raige deadpans. "She's kidding!" Phoebe goofs, all teeth and lipstick, faux-playfully batting at Raige's arm before emphasizing, "She's a kidder!" Changing the subject, Phoebe asks, "Just out of curiosity, what happened here? Was it a freeway accident?" "Oh, heavens, no!" the receptionist giddily cries. "It's always like this around here," she continues, before adding in an exaggeratedly conspiratorial whisper, "Lawbreakers, you know." I don't know about you, but I am loving this chick. A quick check of the IMDb tells me she's being played by Kerry O'Malley, Mike O'Malley's sister and recipient of Drama Desk and Outer Critics Circle nominations for her performance in the recent revival of Into The Woods. Good to know her parents produced at least one talented child.
In any event, Phoebe and Raige are predictably shocked to discover the hospital's now in the primary business of hacking off people's limbs, but they cover their dismay well as Phoebe inquires as to Piper's whereabouts. "What was her offense?" Nurse Kerry politely asks. Phoebe bugs out her eyes and hastens to clarify that Piper's having a baby. This news is met near ultrasonic squeals of delight from Nurse Kerry, who promptly identifies Piper's room as "1402," before reminding the gals, "Don't dawdle! Visiting hours are almost over. You all have a wonderful day, now, okay?" "'Day'?" Raige repeats, dazed, as she double-checks Phoebe's watch. "It's almost eight o'clock -- it should be dark now." "Dark?!" Nurse Kerry spits, instantly hostile. "Why would anyone say such a depressing thing? ImaginethesungoingawaynothavingsunshineALLTHETIME! Anyone who would want that should be, well, shot!" Raige and Phoebe, who'd been absorbing this rant with "oooo-kay, freak" looks on their faces, freeze for a moment as Nurse Kerry's last word echoes through the suddenly quiet lobby. All present turn to glare at the gals as Phoebe, thinking fast, bubbles over with fake laughter to assure everyone that Raige was joking and that they're there to visit their sister, who's having a baby, don't you know. General revelry at this bit of news from the temporarily placated idiots in the emergency room as Phoebe and Raige vanish into the elevator. Wow. That was actually a fun scene.