It's A Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Part II

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 1 USERS: B+
The Passion Of The Chris, Part II

ANY-way. The doorbell rings. It's the helium version of Detective Doormat, who's arrived to arrest Big Gay Chris for roughing him up and BORING! At some point during this scene, Phoebe and Raige exit for the hospital. At another point during this scene, Big Gay Chris squints his eyes in irritation and sneers, "I don't have time for this." Couldn't have said it better, hubby o' mine. Big Chris, in a manner reminiscent of his great-grandmother, flings out a pair of forked fingers to blast the Doormat with a whack of telekinetic energy that knocks the cop flat on his ass halfway across the front porch. Hooray! I'm sick of Darryl. Big Chris then ambles up to the entrance, snarks, "Have a nice day!" and in the gayest gesture of the season, bobbles his hand around on his wrist to sling the door shut with some more TK. Ha! Big Chris rejoins the Dolt in time for the Dolt to muse that Snidely must have left some sort of trail if he did indeed influence Piper. As the Dolt passes out of the frame to investigate, Chris urges, "Hurry."

Barbas's Lair. The gargantuan hams gnaw that lovely Underworld set to pieces as they plot against the Dolt. Long story short, Barbas is to prey upon the Dolt's worst fears as a father, in order to paralyze him long enough to allow Snidely an opportunity to abscond from the Manor with the Psycho. Scene.

The Only Hospital In San Francisco. The Dolt surreptitiously orbs into a supply closet and emerges to ask a preternaturally chirpy candy striper -- and that's a fuck of a lot of chirpy in a candy striper, people -- for the maternity ward's location, as Raige enters with balloons and a teddy bear. From Raige, he learns of Piper's complications and races upstairs to check on the ex-wife. As he strides through the suspiciously empty hallway, he's surprised to find the Psycho standing alone at the far end of the corridor. "[Psycho]?" the Dolt breathes as the camera suddenly shudders to get all up in his face. Man. Krause has not aged well over the last six years, has he? Anyway, Barbas, of course, flickers in to croon, "Watch as the thing you fear most comes to life, and the future is lost." Barbas flickers out, and the Psycho flares to morph up into Mangy Jesus. Thank God they were able to book the same actor for the role. If they hadn't, I'd be putting my fist through the TV right about now. "What's the matter, Dad?" Mangy Jesus ices as he lopes towards the Dolt. "Don't you recognize me? I'm the [Psycho] you're trying to save from Chris's future." And with that, Mangy Jesus pimp-smacks the Dolt ass-over-end into the wall. Hooray! Barbas flickers back in to fuck with the Dolt's mind, but that's not nearly as much fun as what happens next: Mangy Jesus summons Excalibur from points unknown with his orbing telekinesis and runs the blade straight through the Dolt's stomach. Yay! With delightfully squishy sound effects, Mangy Jesus twists the sword around in the Dolt's gut, wiggles it up and down, and then yanks it back out. The Dolt gasps like a landed trout as Mangy Jesus smirks. Hee.

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