Charmed
Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: A- | 361 USERS: B-
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The Passion Of The Chris, Part I

The gals evaluate the Bizarro Manor façade for the briefest of moments before deciding not to enter, figuring that Big Gay Chris and the Dolt wouldn't have, either. They scamper to avoid various criminal types as a cab cruises by with an advertisement for Bizarro Phoebe's advice column. "Ask Phoebe," it says. "Read me…or else." Yeah, funnier the first time around. Phoebe and Raige decide to track down Bizarro Doormat, for some reason believing he'll be of assistance in this world when he's not in theirs. Whatever. Raige whips out her cell phone to see if it works in the parallel universe. Surprisingly enough, it does, so she rings up Bizarro Trudeau Memorial. Before she gets a chance to talk to anyone, though, the two spot the Bizarro Patrolman approaching Bizarro Mrs. Noble to gripe and bitch about how much it's going to cost her in bribes for him to issue another citation to Bizarro Phoebe. Bizarro Noble's sporting an all-black sweatsuit here, by the way. Because she's evil. Long story short, the Bizarro Patrolman roughly shoves Bizarro Noble to the ground, but quickly retreats when he spots Phoebe and Raige, mistaking them for their supposedly supremely wicked counterparts. Phoebe tries to help Bizarro Noble to her feet, but the neighbor lady screams at the sight of the Feebs and flees of her own volition. "We must be some bad-ass witches in this world," Phoebe guesses. "Remember that for when we meet up with bad-ass [Doormat]," Raige smirks.

Cut to Bizarro P3, otherwise known as Bada PPPing, for yes, it is a strip club. And unlike the last strip club we saw on this show, Bada PPPing actually looks like one, for though the various pole dancers are attired in a broadcast-appropriate manner, none of them are wearing granny panties. The camera tracks through dozens of extras before landing on Phoebe and Raige, who have just arrived on the main floor. They spot Bizarro Doormat receiving a lap dance -- yes, a lap dance, at seven-thirty on a Sunday evening, like, fry in Hell, Kern -- and muscle their way over to confront him, or something. I totally don't care, because the Doormat's presence in this episode is almost entirely unnecessary, and this scene is pointless as far as the plot is concerned, mainly because Bizarro Doormat is of no assistance in locating Big Gay Chris and the Dolt. In fact, this scene's sole purpose seems to be establishing the fact that Bizarro Sheridan is a pole dancer, like, in what way does that mirror our world? Aside from the vast amounts of sexism inherent in the decision to portray a Doormat-threatening female in such a manner, of course. Anyway, after playing rough with Bizarro Doormat for a bit and getting nothing out of him, the gals retreat for a strategy session. Phoebe realizes that the Dolt would have sought out the most powerful force of good he could find in this world. Which means? A demon, of course, in the Bizarro Underworld. Which demon?

Charmed

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