Charmed
It's A Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Part I

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The Passion Of The Chris, Part I

Manor, nonexistent attic. The chalk triquatra which shouldn't be there, because no one was there to draw it, but whatever, because we only have a minute and a half to go, flares and expands to disgorge Our Manor Morons. The Dolt sends Big Gay Chris to fetch the Pinhead and Even Gayer Big Chris from Not!warts to send them through before the portal closes. As Big Chris orbs out, the Dolt hurries over to scoop up the Psycho, who, unlike his Bizarro counterpart, remains preternaturally undisturbed by recent events. Yeah, I think this Psycho's going to turn out evil no matter what happens in this world, much as his doppelganger's going to end up good no matter what happens in his. Or is this Psycho's lack of a reaction far too subtle a clue for this show? You decide. Phoebe and Raige race for the exit, as they've realized their Piper must be at the hospital. The Dolt cuddles his wee little demented mulleted serial killer. The serial killer in question clearly couldn't give a rat's ass whether his idiot father lives or dies.

Downstairs, Phoebe and Raige fling open the front door and stop short in surprise. The shot cuts to give us their view of the street below, and oh, my God, what a shitty effect. There's this massive, CGI rainbow arcing through the middle of the screen, partially obscuring one of the houses across the street. Phoebe and Raige glance over the too-chipper passersby in their bright, primary-colored clothing until Mrs. Noble yoo-hoos! her way up the front steps with a jarringly toothy smile plastered across her face. Phoebe apologizes for not moving her car sooner, but Mrs. Noble shushes her, mindful of the fact that Phoebe's "a busy, busy, busy girl!" Raige splutters something about Piper going into labor as the Patrolman from earlier, now clad in bright blue pants with a matching tie and cap over a searingly white shirt, moseys on up the steps, followed by a throng of smiling extras in similarly hideous clothing. "I won't park there again!" Phoebe beams. "I promise." "That's right!" the Patrolman perks through a grin. "I know you won't!" Then he takes out a gun and shoots her in the tits. No, seriously. No. Seriously. After all the selfish, self-centered, shrewish behavior Phoebe's exhibited over the last six years, she finally gets gunned down over a parking spot. But, hey, like I said before: You take what you can get. "Wrongs Must Be Righted!" the Patrolman chimes as Mrs. Noble encourages them to "Have a super day!" while Phoebe collapses to the floor of the porch in Raige's arms. Raige starts screaming for help -- rather half-heartedly, if you ask me, and while you could argue she's in shock, I'd find it just as likely she secretly wants Phoebe dead just as much of the rest of us do -- as the camera swooshes out to take in the shiny, happy people going about their daily business after having just witnessed a summary execution, before the screen cuts abruptly to black.

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Charmed

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