Cut to a police station that is not Trudeau Memorial for a boring scene between Detective Doormat and the Manor-bound gals regarding Big Gay Chris's arrest warrant. Long story short, the Doormat refuses to help them, despite the threat of exposure that exists should the authorities arrive at the Manor to take Chris into custody, only to discover that Chris is a newborn. No, it doesn't make any sense at all, because Tiny Gay Chris would presumably have a different surname from the one Big Gay Chris gave upon his initial arrest, and besides, the police would just think Big Gay Chris blew town, so whatever. And get your filthy minds out of the gutter. I didn't mean "blew town" like that. The one thing you really need to know about all this is that Inspector Sheridan has returned for this evening's festivities, and she's none too fond of the Glamorous Ladies, as she believes the Doormat broke Chris out of jail at their request. And…that's pretty much it. Next!
Not!warts. Piper enters the library with the Dolt and a stroller-riding Psycho to open the portal for Big Gay Chris's return to 2026. She is, needless to say, surprised and more than a little miffed to learn that the Dolt intends to accompany Chris. She's about to pop, don't you know, and someone needs to take care of the Psycho while she's in labor. Chris protests that he told the Dolt he didn't need to tag along. The Dolt insists it's too dangerous for Chris to make the journey on his own, reminding his son that the last time he went through a time portal, he almost became "dinosaur kibble." Uh, Dolt? Yeah, over here. Big Gay Chris didn't voluntarily step through that portal. You threw him into it. Cram it, fuckwit. Snidely enters, apologizing for his tardiness, which he attributes to his desire to make a few last-minute "tweaks" to the spell. "'Tweaks'?" Piper repeats suspiciously. "Let me see that," she orders, snatching the sheet of paper from Snidely's hand as Raige orbs into the room with the Feebs. Because of the Doormat situation, Phoebe's naturally a little too eager to say goodbye. Piper calls her on this, and reacts accordingly when Phoebe drops the warrant bomb. "This is bad," Chris frets. "If I leave and they can't find me, they're gonna come after you." No, Chris, they won't. See above. Phoebe assures her nephew that everything's okay. "We've been through worse," she asserts. "We'll get through this. We'll figure it out." Big Chris sighs in agitation. "And if you get back to the future and we're in jail," Phoebe jocularly adds, "you'll just have to bust us out!" Chris frowns until Phoebe approaches him with outstretched hands. Taking hold of him, she instructs, "You just go back to that beautiful, peaceful world that you helped create." Chris allows his mouth to twist into a slight smile before embracing her. "I'm really gonna miss you," Phoebe breathes over his shoulder. "I'll miss you, too," he assures her before breaking the hug. Next up is Raige, who tries to lighten the mood with a lighthearted, "Aw, here comes the huggin' part." The Fag and His Hag sort of slap each other on the back before pulling apart, allowing Piper her turn. Piper gazes fondly at Big Chris for a very long moment before drawing him close and murmuring, "Thank you for coming here." Chris closes his eyes and rests his head on her shoulder as she adds, "I love you." "I love you so much, Mom," he whispers. Aw. Sniff. Sniffle. Also, where'd Piper get that fabulous French manicure? Does Not!warts have a salon, too?
Piper steps back to join her sisters while urging Big Gay Chris to be safe. Chris rejoins his father, nodding his head in Snidely's direction and thanking him for his help. "You did a noble thing in coming here," Snidely allows. Hateful shit. Big Chris then teasingly chides his dead-eyed, strollered brother to be good. The Psycho looks like he'd rather fry Chris's ass on the spot. Christ, that kid is creepy. Big Gay Chris and the Dolt turn to face the chalk triquatra as the Glamorous Ladies recite the following in unison: