It's A Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, Part I

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The Passion Of The Chris, Part I

Manor. Up in the nonexistent attic, Phoebe's scrying for the Bizarro Boys' current location while Raige gathers a set of Mystical Crysticals with which to trap them once they've found them. They chatter, and not much of it is terribly important, though Raige does mock Snidely's ludicrous accent when she notes, "We wouldn't want the cosmos to stop spinning, now would we?" Phoebe muses that it's odd to imagine their Bizarro counterparts performing the exact same tasks at the moment. As Raige admits that the whole poorly conceived concept hurts her brain, Phoebe's scrying crystal slams down on a set of map coordinates. Raige ambles over to peer over Phoebe's shoulder as she shot cuts to…

…Even Gayer Chris slamming a metal trash can lid into Detective Doormat's face. The Doormat goes flying into a pile of Convenient Shipping Pallets Of Grave Bodily Injury, howling, "What do you think you're doing? I'm a cop!" "Pretty wimpy-looking one, if you ask me," the Pinhead snorts dismissively. "I think that's the cheapest suit I've ever seen," Even Gayer Chris sneers, easily justifying his nickname. The Doormat's beat to shit, by the way, with various cuts and bruises decorating his puffy face. We learn that the Bizarro Doormat's on the Bizarro Gals' payroll before Even Gayer Chris lifts the Doormat into the air and slams him, head over heels, into a nearby Dumpster. "This almost isn't any fun!" Even Gayer Chris exclaims as the Doormat scrambles around to point his service pistol in the Bizarro Boys' direction, threatening to shoot. "Gun," Even Gayer Chris exaggeratedly enunciates, which only serves to make him that much more enticing. I need help. Even Gayer Chris's darklighting telekinesis kicks in, and the automatic vanishes from the Doormat's hand to reappear in Chris's. Chris aims and makes to squeeze the trigger, but the Pinhead stops him, taking possession of the weapon while reminding his son that they need the Doormat for leverage.

At this moment, Raige orbs in behind the guys with Phoebe, and despite the infernal racket associated with her orb cloud, the Bizarro Boys remain unaware of her presence as she sneakily positions two of the Crysticals on the asphalt. The Doormat starts babbling at the new arrivals as Raige orbs out again. The Bizarro Boys, thinking they whacked the Doormat a little too hard on the head, simply believe he's babbling at a hallucination. Raige orbs back in, quickly sets the remaining Crysticals in place in front of the Bizarro Boys, and the flaring cage of Crystical mojo instantly erupts to trap them. Oh, almost forgot: Phoebe managed to boot the automatic out of the Pinhead's hand. That's sort of important, because, as you'll recall, supernatural force fields don't stop bullets. They do, however, stop Flaming Balls Of Death, such as the one the Pinhead now conjures to hurl at Raige. Even Even Gayer Chris realizes how stupid that particular idea is, and ducks in anticipation of the explosion that naturally occurs when the FBOD slams into the shield. Raige gets quippy with the boys before she and Phoebe approach the Doormat with offers of assistance. The Doormat shouts something annoying and bolts. "Well, I don't think that helped our cause any," Phoebe glums.

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