Phoebe and Raige leap to their feet to scuttle to Piper's side. Once they confirm she's okay, their attention's diverted by the grunting sounds emanating from a bundle the monster's left behind. The Glamorous Ladies edge down the alleyway to the pile of burlap rags. Piper kneels, gingerly lifts one end of fabric, and discovers a chubby little red-haired infant wriggling about beneath the covering. The redheaded stepchild shocks the Ps when it playfully shoots a forked snake's tongue out of its mouth while in mid-squirm. "Cute," Raige sarcastically notes, with much wrinkling of disgusted nose. The camera cuts back to the redheaded stepchild for one more flicker of his forked tongue before licking its way into the opening credits.
Big Gay Chris is back! And Darryl! Yay! Pity the latter gets an utterly pointless subplot this evening, but it's nice to know both of the boys are alive and well.
Endless Opening Travelogue, with Ovary. The Ovary whines that she "can shine just like whelks do." No, I don't get it, either. Maybe they should start captioning the various Travelogue Ovaries and Testicles, so we can avoid such gross misunderstandings in the future. Then again, I don't really care. Over at the Manor, the redheaded stepchild contentedly gnaws on a teething ring at the bottom of Tiny Gay Chris's product-placed playpen on the sun porch while Phoebe and Raige eye the tot with varying degrees of pity and wariness, respectively. "I can't believe we vanquished its mommy," Phoebe sadly intones. "Mommy tried to kill us," Raige reminds her. "But look at how cute he is!" Phoebe squeals, her uterus throbbing. "So adorable," she sighs, "except when he does that weird little thing with his tongue." Yeah, if Chronic did that weird little thing with his tongue, you'd handcuff yourself to his side, you tramp. Oh, ew. Did I just say that? I'm telling you, the December hiatus cannot arrive quickly enough this year. I'm losing my mind. The two women briefly wonder why the redheaded stepchild appears to be human before Piper clomps in from the hall with news that Tiny Chris is safely ensconced in The Patricia Campbell Hearst Commemorative Child-Care Nook. Not for long, hon.