Big Gay Chris orbs in at this point both to further the plot along with a few ideas of his own and to pretty up the place. He's not immediately successful with the former task. With the latter, however, the effect upon his entrance is instantaneous. Woof. He's wearing a sleek black t-shirt with a festive cluster of rainbow-colored fireworks emblazoned across the chest -- go figure -- and he's sporting a pair of khakis that show off his perky behind to great advantage. Sigh. "Did you vanquish the demon?" he asks. Sort of, the gals reply. While the demon Big Chris sicced them on certainly is gone for good, the thing that ate it left behind a little present for the Manor Morons. Big Chris tosses a harassed glance over his shoulder at the playpen's occupants. Tongue Boy's eyes light up, and he flickers his forked tongue directly at Big Gay Chris. "I think he likes you!" Raige perks. No shit. Back off, you little bitch. I don't care if you are five months old -- nobody makes a pass like that at my husband. To his credit, Big Chris snaps, "I don't care! Vanquish it!" Atta boy. "We are not vanquishing a baby!" Raige yowls. "What's wrong with you?" Big Chris scowls that Tongue Boy might be "the future evil that gets to" his tiny self, and you know what? I'm no longer of the opinion that The Done One is Big Gay Chris's significantly younger alter ego -- mainly because I've already seen next week's promo -- so The Reign Of The Chrises is officially over as far as these recaps are concerned. While the regulars on the forum boards have offered many amusing alternate monikers for The Done One, the most amusing, "Tickle-Me Dolt," is far too warm and squishy a nickname for the icy, dead-eyed sociopath we've all come to loathe and fear. I'll be going with The Doltine Psycho for now, but feel free to contribute your suggestions on our boards.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah: The four argue about vanquishing Tongue Boy for a bit until the telephone rings. Raige, displeased with Big Gay Chris and his ardent exhortations favoring infanticide, sneers her way off the sun porch to answer it. Phoebe shouts that Raige should lie regarding her whereabouts if Chronic pops up on the other end of the line. This leads to chatter about Phoebe's Issue Of The Week, which Piper succinctly phrases as, "You told him that you love him before he told you that he loves you? Not good." Big Chris rolls his eyes around and snits, "What are you going to do?" Phoebe misinterprets this as him, you know, actually giving a shit about her tiresome romance, and starts spouting something about well, I'm sure it was important, but honestly? I no longer have the strength to listen to her anymore. Big Gay Chris places his hands on his hips and gets huffy. "I meant the baby!" he seethes. "We gotta do something." As if in response to this, Tongue Boy unfurls said tongue and licks up The Doltine Psycho's pacifier from halfway across the playpen. Heh. Big Gay Chris dejectedly eyes the contented Tongue Boy in the pen as Phoebe and Piper glance uneasily around the room.