Charmed
Love's A Witch

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | Grade It Now!
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Never Was There A Tale Of More Woe!

The injured Raige mopes through the front door, and her entrance so startles the Feebs that she hoots and yodels and drops straight down onto the floor. "Talk about your psychic hit," Feebs grouses as Piper helps her to her feet. Raige, knowing what Phoebe means and not wanting any of it, sneers, "Don't ask!" as she motors towards the kitchen. Piper catches sight of the gaping wound above Raige's right tit and squeals, "What happened?" Raige shrugs it off, insisting that she's fine, but Phoebe's Fucking Backup Band kicks in to give the lie to that assertion. "You're not fine, [Raige]," Phoebe blares. "You're scared to death! Why don't people in this family own their emotions?" Oh, my…I just…fucking bitch…Jesus! Let's let Raige do the talking for me: "This empath thing?" she acidly notes, arching a brow. "Very annoying." Thank you! Raige spins on her heel and marches into the kitchen. Piper shoots a warning glare at the Feebs before trailing after Raige. Big Gay Chris orbs into the hallway, and my, but he's lovely tonight. He's working a royal-blue-over-white double-t-shirt combo, and it really brings out his eyes. Also bringing out his eyes? Mascara. And an inch of eye shadow. And his lips are more than a bit glossy and pink. I'll not wonder why he orbed in from his drag act without first washing his face to note that he's finally brushed his hair, and he's looking rather dapper, indeed. My pretty, dapper drag queen of a husband politely asks the Feebs, "You haven't seen [my dad], have you?" Phoebe snarls something both unpleasant and uncalled for before heading off to annoy her sisters again, some more.

Back in the kitchen, Raige moistens a washcloth at the sink and presses it against her gaping, bloody wound. Piper wonders which dark demonic force left a hole in Raige's shoulder, and offers her assistance in vanquishing the beast. Raige announces her intention to follow through on her own as Phoebe and Big Gay Chris enter, and -- nope! Can't deal with this scene at all. Phoebe's Fucking Backup Band kicks in about forty-seven times in the space of a minute and a half, mildly irritating her sisters and massively irritating me, so I'll cut to what's really important: Big Gay Chris's hair is completely different from when he orbed into the Manor mere seconds ago. And he's washed his face. Seriously -- the part's migrated from left side of his scalp to the center, the whole mop's gone shaggy and unkempt, and the lip gloss has vanished. Sigh. This episode was going so well until Phoebe showed up. She really does ruin everything, doesn't she? In any event, there's no small amount of chatter regarding Phoebe's stoopid new power and her sisters' increasing impatience with it. Phoebe finally blurts, "Should I just keep all your feelings to myself? Would that make you guys happy?" "YES!" Piper and Raige shout. Hee! Big Gay Chris glances nervously from one P to the next, and bails. Heh. Raige, still buffing her gaping, bloody wound with the washcloth, states that she's heading back to Granny Healy's home to ensure the old woman's okay. "But you're scared to death!" Phoebe shrieks with appropriate musical accompaniment, so Raige calls out, "Apple!" Her orbing telekinesis snatches one from the fruit bowl on the center island and shoves the thing into Phoebe's yammering maw. HA! Hey, Raige, if you plug up her nostrils with those bananas, maybe she'll suffocate. Disappointingly, Raige ignores my suggestion to flounce out as Piper eyes Phoebe with bemused glee. After a beat, Piper smirks, "Well, that's one way to do it." Heh. Phoebe bites into the apple as Piper bites back a full-fledged guffaw.

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Charmed

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