Lucky Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | Grade It Now!
This Show Blows, And I Want To Die

A bolt of lightning immediately strikes the gals, who tumble to the floor in agony. That was kind of funny, actually. Jimmy The Runt summons a rainbow to escape, but Big Bad Greg toasts Jimmy's wee ass before he can bow on out of there. Greg steps into the rainbow, leaving the three singed Ps to gape their collective way into the commercial break.

Attic. Aftermath. Wait a minute! What the hell is outside the attic window? Is that the goddamned Transamerica Pyramid? It is! Oh, those fucking evil bastards. They're just doing this to piss me off. Whatever! I will not pop an aneurysm because of Charmed, so screw you, shitheads! Screw all of you! The string of bad luck precipitated by the crock of cursed trouser nuggets continues to afflict the Glamorous Ladies. Raige nearly breaks her leg face-planting into the carpet, Piper learns that the club had to shutter for the evening because of a power failure, the attic's wiring goes on the fritz, and one of the antique chandeliers comes crashing unexpectedly to the floor. The Dolt orbs Piper's Precious Log up to Whitelighterland until the gals reverse their luck.

Lair Of The Moltisanti. Big Bad Greg summons Olivia and Elle, dumps a crock of trouser nuggets on their heads, and orders them to kill the Charmed Ones. This should work out well.

Manor kitchen. Holly Marie Combs debases herself with a broken fire extinguisher. Don't ask. Raige enters with a goodie bag full of "lucky charms," including a rabbit's foot, a horseshoe, and a charm bracelet. They natter as Piper fills a glass vial with the Big Bad Greg vanquish she's been brewing, but both are forced into the hallway when The Cooter takes a header down the stairs. The Cooter rises from the floor, and...nope. Sorry. Not processing anything in this scene. The Pants are riding so low, you can see the creases where Alyssa's legs meet up with her groin. Fast-forwarding. Fast-forwarding. Fast-forwarding. And look! Olivia and Elle have smoked onto the staircase to destroy the vile Cooter. Hooray! Piper deploys the Hands Of Discontent. Due to the run of bad luck she's been having, her aim is off, and she ends up vanquishing a bit of the balustrade. The force of the explosion, however, is enough to send Elle ass over end down the stairs. She scrambles to her feet on the lower landing and fires a Flaming Ball Of Death at The Vile Cooter. The Cooter counters with the Greg vanquish, which collides with the FBOD in mid-air. Olivia flings another FBOD at The Vile Cooter, but, using her orbing telekinesis, Raige redirects it into Elle's tits. Elle shrieks and vanishes in a veil of fire and smoke. Olivia's keening, anguished reaction to this development makes it clear that she and Elle shopped for power tools together. However, I'm so sick of this wretched episode that not even a pair of fierce demonic lesbians can hold my attention. Olivia smokes down to the main hall, latches onto Piper, and smokes right out into the commercial break.

Lair Of The Moltisanti. Big Bad Greg, irritated that Olivia and Elle failed on their mission, offs Olivia, then glares down at the unconscious Piper, who's been tethered to a tree.

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