Magic Hour

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | Grade It Now!
Magic Hour

Cut to a shot of the beginning of the solar eclipse that was mentioned briefly in the scene before the credits. Remember how I told you all to make note of the full moon? Same beef I have here, I had with Dolores Claiborne. Solar eclipses occur during new moons only. I learned this in ninth grade. Then again, this show can't keep track of its goddamn actors from shot to shot, so what do I expect? Bah. Phoebe notes the eclipse, then makes the connection that the eclipse is the "night within a day" that will break Shermy's curse on Brooke and Christopher. Instantly proving this theory correct, we get a cry of human pain from inside the house, indicating that the Owl Kebab has morphed back to Eye Candy. Christopher tells the four that Brooke left to give Shermy what he wants, Prue reassures him the Ps will handle that situation, and Leo steps in to heal him. More repetitive discussion of previous plot points, and we cut to the Office of Demonic Day Trading, where Shermy is rather loudly ordering a group of demons, once again, to kill the owl. He's interrupted by Brooke, who enters, saying, "I was hoping you'd take me instead." Close up of Shermy as he arranges his face into a "my cunning plan has met with success" expression, and we go to commercial.

Office of Demonic Day Trading. Shermy's attempts at evil humor consistently fail to amuse me. I suppose this was the only element of consistency the continuity editor busied himself with this week. As Shermy prepares to move in on Brooke, she attempts to get his assurance that Christopher will not be harmed, and we cut to a shot of the eclipse reaching totality. At that moment, the three Ps enter the office building with Christopher in tow. Piper immediately freezes all of the yuppies in the hallway, and the foursome cautiously makes its way through the crowd, worried that at any moment the frozen yuppies will snap out of it. Never mind the fact that all of these people would, in the real world, be blowing off their daily duties to catch the killer total eclipse outside. Phoebe cracks wise about using their "Wonder Twins powers" to gain entrance another way, and I tell her to shut up. Piper suddenly stops dead in her tracks, announcing she has a bad feeling about everything, then changes her mind, and tells them she's actually got a very good, warm-fuzzy feeling, indicating it's centered on her chest. Phoebe guesses this is the sign Grams told them to watch for, and I prepare the paperwork for her prize nomination for the Nobel committee. Phoebe states that the time for root vegetables is now, because just as they cannot look up during an eclipse, TPTB cannot look down. We're treated to a shot of Christopher greeting this idiotic explanation with a look of utter incredulity. You and me both, Eye Candy.

The three Ps make plans to head back to the manor before Piper stops them, saying they only have enough time during the eclipse to help Brooke. Despite Christopher urging her to take care of her own problem, Piper insists, and while I'm supposed to think she's a sweetheart for sacrificing her one chance at true love in order to help another, that very thought threatens to make me violently ill, so I dismiss it. They head into Shermy's office just as he's about to seal his diabolical deal with Brooke via a kiss. I note the broad daylight streaming in through the windows, and wearily glare at the continuity crew once more. Smarmy Shermy again fails to amuse with his pithy quips, the term "true love" is uttered for the seventeenth time this episode, Christopher and Brooke move to kiss, Smarmy Shermy threatens with a crossbow, the Ps disarm him, and he's vanquished by means of flames that shoot from his heart as Christopher and Brooke mack. Is this fricking episode ever going to end?

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