"Didn't one of them sleep around a lot?" Raige snorts dismissively, and for one thing, LOOK WHO'S TALKING, RAIGE, and for another, trampy Phoebe would care about that...why, exactly? And also: "One of them"? God, I hate this show. ANY-way, Piper cuts through this amazing pile of bullshit with yet another one of her shrill whistles in order to pass out this evening's marching orders for her sisters. Raige has to "get that [stoopid] charge off [her] mind." How? "Do what Grams said," comes the reply. "Get out there! Ignore the signs of your old life and look for signs that lead you to your new life. Try anything." I get the feeling I'm going to regret you telling her that, Piper, but then again, when the hell did you do me any favors? "And you," Piper continues, wheeling on Phoebe, "you're all about signs -- isn't that what a vision is, anyway?" Piper then goes on endlessly about Phoebe's stupid fucking premonition regarding Phoebe's supposed future daughter, and Piper of all people should know that future daughters have a pesky habit of vanishing permanently for any of a variety of reasons -- like, oh, say, when you sabotage the Utopia that seemed to be a precondition for said future daughter's existence -- and didn't they devote an entire episode to Big Gay Chris nearly disappearing because he'd fucked with the timeline too much, and God, but this show sucks, and where the hell was I? Oh, yeah: Piper encouraging Phoebe to bone Vex Lexter in the elevator at All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me so Phoebe'll get knocked up and shut the hell up about this whole stupid subplot already. In so many words. Piper, having set her sisters on their separate annoying courses for this evening's festivities, books it to her cleansing day of beauty as Raige and the Dolt climb the stairs to the second floor, leaving Phoebe alone in the center parlor to launch herself into -- get this -- the first of tonight's many, many Carrie Bradshaw-esque voice-overs, complete with the breathy, girlish delivery and OH MY GOD WHY DID THEY NOT CANCEL THIS AWFUL, EVIL SHOW LAST MAY? "Maybe Piper's right," muses the Phoebe VO. "I mean, if there's one thing we learned, it's that we're being guided, and signs always lead the way. The question is, where do you start looking for them?" Uh, a far more entertaining second-season episode that already covered this very territory six goddamned years ago, maybe? Just a thought. Also, shut the fuck up, PVO.
Episode Report CardDemian: F | 402 USERS: C+
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