Meanwhile, the new marks for Pa and Ma Retard turn out to be -- ta da! -- each other! Oh, the unholy tedium of it all. The Retards hold each other a gunpoint until they finally tearfully say that they love each other and then disappear in glowing golf balls. At the Manor, Phoebe commands, "Freeze them!" But Ma Retard turns her gun on Piper, threatening, "Move and you die." Piper lowers her hands. FUCK THAT! She's done freezes with the tiniest of twitches before! Are you KIDDING me with this crap? Oh, man. OH, MAN! Sure, let's give the stringy-haired, overly made-up, no-talent Retarded Blond Bimbo a new power and while we're at it, let's HOBBLE Piper! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaate. The aforementioned Retard looks upset. Who the FUCK cares?!
I just have to get through this scene before I can collapse in a quivering mass of loathing and bile. Basically, invoking the soon-to-be-spoiled Milk Carton, the Retard cries her parents back to normal. I guess the Verbal Diarrhea words are, "You're all I have left." The Family Retard embrace and sob and apologize. Raige bops in with the news that she's figured out how to clear Ma and Pa Retard, but stops short at the sight of all the retarded hugging and crap. "Did I miss something?" she mugs. I wish I had.Mucky Muck holds another press conference in which he admits to killing Grant and framing the Retard's parents because he wanted to get control of the company. Mucky Muck walks into a hallway, leans against the wall, and deglamours as a smiling Piper. Well, that's all fine and dandy, but what about the roomful of people that would have seen Pa Retard firing the gun and not Mucky Muck? Not to mention the photographers happily snapping away at the ensuing chaos? The real Mucky Muck adjusts his tie in a mirror and is startled when Sgt. Pepper smears in. She's been smearing in his whole life, and NOW he gets startled? You know, fine. Get startled, see if I care -- you're going to die here anyway. Sgt. Pepper yells at Mucky Muck about the ruination of all their demonic hopes and dreams. Mucky Muck unwisely asks what happens now. A gun smokes into Sgt. Pepper's hand. From the dark street, we look up at the office building and see a flash as the gun goes off.
Next morning, the papers lead with the headline that Mucky Muck committed suicide after confessing his role in Grant's murder. While feeding Tiny Gay Chris, Piper crows over the fact that they printed her speech because it was so good. Phoebe reminds us that Sgt. Pepper got away. "Oh, don't worry about it -- I'm sure we'll be seeing her again in another thirty years or so," Piper mutters. Phoebe points out that they'll be too worried about their Geritol Complete to be dealing with it, and nods at Tiny Gay Chris, saying it will be his problem then. Piper wonders where they'll be. Phoebe thinks she'll be sitting there feeding her grandkids with Dolt. As if. Adopted grandkids, maybe. Piper hopes so. Phoebe then decides to act as though Piper wrote in for advice and tells her to give herself time to deal with Dolt's neither-here-nor-there status. "Sounds like good advice, did you have any for the twins?" Piper asks. Phoebe did, "I suggested that she move out of the house -- get her own space." Piper nods sagely, "That's good advice." Piper takes Tiny Gay Chris out of his highchair and leaves Phoebe to open the paper to some huge ad for "LUXURY LOFTS: ONLY ONE LEFT" in the Real Estate section. If there were really only one left, I seriously doubt the company would shell out massive bucks for such a large ad. Phoebe smiles, knowing that she can't afford it on her salary but that Piper will work her fingers to the bone to make sure her little sister can once again sit on her ass in a sweet apartment.